90 in 90

 

Back in May, I saw that my local yoga studio (Kula Yoga) was offering a couple challenges for the summer. One was a 30 day challenge, 30 yoga classes in 30 days, and the other was a 90 day challenge, 90 yoga classes in 90 days. I've done a few of the 30 day challenges, in fact I did one in January, but a 90 day challenge?? Could I do it? I doubted it, but I talked to the hubby about it and always the one to support my dreams, he said "If you feel it's what you need, then go for it."

I definitely needed it, but could I commit? I mean, it's definitely a commitment. Between travel time and class time it can be over a two hour commitment for just 1 class, plus working around child care, soccer schedule, work schedule, church schedule and so on.... However, I rationalized it by saying, "Well, even if I only go to 10 classes, I have more than made my money back." So that settled it. I signed up.

I'm going to be very superficial for a minute, I really did it to lose weight. I wanted to look better. Sure, getting stronger would be nice, being disciplined would be great, but I really, really wanted to look better in my skin.

What I didn't expect to find was community, not really anyway. I mean, sure I've heard the cliche about yoga communities and such, but I'm not in the "in" crowd. It's true, though, the more classes I finished, the more people I met and the more they rooted me on and checked on me each class. "How many are you at now?" "How are you feeling?" "You are doing so great!" "You look some much stronger in your poses!" Plus, the teachers are great. The come around in class and adjust your posture, they are fantastic encouragers and they know how to push you through the "discomfort"!

I've also heard yogi's talk about their "journey" and being present and I thought, "ok, whatever". But again, it's true. The more yoga I did, the more I could still my mind. I know how crazy that sounds. I'm focusing more on the positive and have been in better moods. I've been eliminating things that make me anxious and stressed and I find that I have more time and patience for the important things. Breathing.... Being still... Being present...

So, I know you are wondering, did she? Didn't she?? Did she lose weight? Does she even care about that anymore?

1. YES!! I did it!! 90 yoga classes in 90 days, even with a vacation squished in. I had to double up classes to meet the goal.

2. As far as weight loss goes, I've lost about 10 lbs, but the change in my body and my clothes is huge, far more than the scale shows. Take my advice, ditch the scale.

3. Nope, I don't care about the weight loss. Sure it would be nice to see the number move, but I have gained so much more. And I'm not just BSing you. I'm saying "no" to more, letting people walk over me less. I have more confidence and I am so much stronger in my practice (not perfect, but that doesn't matter).

That's it! Will I do it again?? Absolutely, if Jon doesn't kill me.... I'm even contemplating teacher training...

I can.
I will.
I am.

This was about 4 and half years ago at the first day of my first 30 day challenge, also my first yoga class ever.

to the moon and back,

A tale of two stories

Some of you know that I own a cleaning business. One of the things I love about it is seeing the houses. Houses of all kinds, brand new, well loved and vintage. Sometimes, there are cool stories, sometimes sad.

The other day we had an opportunity to clean a move out. It was in pretty rough shape, but the house was adorable. It was built in the 40's and though it had seen better days, I could totally see it in it's heyday. For me to say that, says something because I completely lack imagination. I could see a young married couple excited to move in to their new place. I could picture their small table by the window in the kitchen, big enough to seat only two. I could see the excitement in their faces as they arrange the living room with their furniture. This house was their hope and their dreams and their future.

The second bedroom was tiny, but the closet still had the original door and door knob. It was beautiful piece but covered in about 20 layers of paint from owners and tenants throughout the years. The keyhole was still present, but long since usable. The closet was small for even this tiny room, maybe 2 ft deep.

The ceilings were low, maybe 9 ft, but they were covered with what was probable asbestos tiles. A roof leak had made short work of about a 3 ft area of tiles. The lock for the front door had lost it's cover so the inner workings were visible. The gears still turned when you turned the key! The original hardwood floors were beat up,  uneven and swollen from wear and water damage. The carpets in the bedrooms had to be ripped up and they revealed where the bathroom use to be, complete with and old jalousie window. The stories this house could tell. Looking out the front windows I could just imagine how much that view had changed over the last 70+ years. I was just in awe of this tiny little  house that needs so much work.

The second side of this story is much sadder. The couple who had just been evicted was a 90 year old couple. A neighbor had reported them to elder care because they could no longer take care of themselves. The house proved it. It was sad to see the amount of filth that had built up, to no fault of their own I'm sure. I'd venture a guess that they couldn't even see it, drinks that had spilt down the wall, dirty handprints on the railings, large collections of small flies on the window sills behind the blinds and the dust that had accumulated along the baseboards. It was so heartbreaking.

The worst part was they have family that lives in town. No children, but family still. I can't imagine not checking on an aunt or uncle or cousin, even, in that situation. The home had been let go for a very long time. It wasn't just a month or two of build up. When I asked where the couple was now, I was told that they were at the hospital awaiting placement. It's so sad that these are people, people who lived amazing lives, yet at the end are forgotten.

Just like the house, they were alive and vibrant, and now after years of neglect, are sort of tossed by the wayside.

Wow, this took a turn down "Debbie Downer" street. I apologize for that, it just hit me hard the other day and I felt I needed to tell the stories.

to the moon and back,

Do Gooder

In a world where being cynical, critical, and even hateful is glorified, we must be do-gooders.

But more importantly,

We must raise do-gooders... Strong, compassionate, loving do-gooders.

We must raise our children to stand up for the little guys.

We must raise them to not be bullies but also not be pushovers.

We must teach them to listen... by listening to them.

We must teach them to speak up... by letting them be honest with us, even when it's not easy to hear.

We must teach them to spread sincere compliments like sprinkles... by truly complimenting them.

We must teach them to be helpers... by helping them when they need it, by taking them to places where they can help, charity events, churches, homeless shelters, etc

We must teach them to be encouragers... by not only encouraging them, but also others you encounter.

We must teach them to not measure their worth by what others think... by not comparing them or ourselves to classmates/co-workers/people/celebrities/etc around us.

We must teach them to take initiative... by showing them that they have the power to do things, they are smart enough, strong enough, bold enough...

We must raise them to be confident in who they are... by demonstrating confidence.

We have to teach them to get involved, to make a difference... by helping them choose something they are passionate about and getting them out there working towards it.

It's cool to find fault in every little thing, to not ever admit you like something. Is it because we are afraid to be embarrassed? Are we afraid to be vulnerable? Are we afraid of what others may think? Let's love more - openly, let's speak more kind words - to everyone, let's like what we like and not worry what anyone else thinks - ever. Our littles learn not only by doing, but also by what they see. What do they see in you?

None of are perfect, certainly not me, but we have to start somewhere. We have to start making changes where we can because, until we do, nothing will change.

Be a do-gooder... Raise a do-gooder... Make a generation of do-gooders.

to the moon and back,

21 Day Sugar Detox - Day 9

Here's my quick day 9 update on our 21 Day Sugar Detox journey.

It's going so much better than I had expected. I think I had built it up in my mind as completely unattainable for me and that's really not the case at all. I mean, I am only doing the least restrictive level, so maybe that's why.

Here are a few answers to questions that I'm sure you are all wondering about:

How easy is it? It does take prep time, I'm not going to lie. The first week took a LOT of prep, but this week I'm more comfortable with it, so I can wing it a little more. However, lunches still need to be planned out because there are no "convenience" stops for food unless you just pick up veggies at a 7-Eleven. Dinners are home cooked, if we eat out, its based on what we can eat. Ruby Tuesday and their "garden bar" has been fantastic so far.

What do I miss the most? In short... coffee creamer... That has been the hardest to give up, but I'm starting to get used to the taste of coffee with half and half. I mean, sure, a donut would be nice, but really, there's nothing I'm dying to have. Believe it or not, I don't feel like I'm depriving myself. I'll let you know if that changes.

Do I notice any changes? Yes, first off, I have so much more energy. It's crazy. I can actually work a full day and still come home an get stuff done around the house, cook dinner and play with the kids without feeling like I need a nap. There have been days lately that I can't function without a nap of some sort, but now I don't feel like it. I actually feel like getting off the couch and doing something. That reason alone makes it worth it for me.

I haven't weighed myself, so not sure about that. I'm going to wait until the end.

I will say, the end of day 2 until about day 6 or so, I didn't feel well, but it came in waves.

What's the cost? It's slightly more expensive than normal groceries if you buy the food to make their recipes, however, you could totally make your own food (basic proteins and veggies and approved grains) and probably not spend anything additional to your grocery budget. I like it because the whole family eats it. I'm not making a bunch of different meals for everyone. Or purchasing premade food for my self and then still buying normal groceries for everyone else. Or buying shakes and supplements and then still purchasing food.

What did you eat today?

• Breakfast-Ham Egg & Cheese Sandwich (on the drop biscuits), coffee with half and half
• Snacks-green apple, trail mix (homemade), hard boiled eggs, babybel cheese
• Lunch-Ham & cheese roll ups, avocado with lime & sunflower seeds, mixed raw veggies
• Dinner-Pork & pinto bean tacos with lettuce shells (onions, tomatoes, sour cream, avocado)

Have a question that I didn't answer here? Ask it in the comments and I'll answer it next time!

to the moon and back,

A Goldfish's Hero

Save me!!

The other day I was cleaning a rental move-out with Ms G. When we got there, the renter walked us through the house and pointed out the things she wanted cleaned. We all chit chatted for a little bit making small talk and then the renter said she needed to get going. However, as she was walking out, she said, "Oh, there's a fish tank in the back room with a goldfish in it. Don't worry about it, we've just resigned to the fact that he's going to die."

Oh, uh, ok, you know, just ignore the fish on death row in the back room.

We went about our morning, cleaning when I finally made my way into the back room and saw the fish tank. The water was a murky green that was no longer transparent. I yelled to Ms G, "I feel bad for this fish. It's either going to suffocate or starve to death."

She continued to clean whatever she was working on, but a few minutes later, being the animal lover she is, she walked in to check out the fish. She peaked around the corner and said, "This poor fish! I don't want to see it die!"

Me "Well, what are we supposed to do? It's not our fish."

Her "I don't know, do you think I could catch it?"

Me "And do what with it?"

Her "Take it home? Maybe? I don't know, I don't want a fish, but I can't let it die. Do you think the pet store will take it?"

Me ".... I don't know"

Her "What could I put it in? A garbage bag? Do you have a bowl or something? I could go to the pet store when we are done and get a fish bowl."

Me (thinking about the random items floating around my car) "I don't have a bowl, but maybe a bag would work, like they do at the fair?"

Her "I don't know, don't they pump special air into those bags before they seal them?"

Ok, this sounded like a ridiculous question to me, initially, but she said it with such sincerity, that I began to question everything. I mean, what do I know, maybe they do have special fish air...

Me "Um, I don't think that's a thing. I think they just don't squeeze out all the air."

We bantered back and forth for far too long about this doomed goldfish. Finally, Ms G proclaimed "I'm gonna save it." She grabbed a cup and armed with her gloved hand, she approached the tank. he immediately became grossed out by the water, but as any good hero would do, she didn't let it deter her from saving the fair goldfish in distress. After about 15 minutes of "fishing" with a cup in green water while her glove filled up multiple times, she actually caught the thing!

She found a bowl in her own can and dumped the fish in. We continued cleaning, but then I had a thought, what if the owner was joking and comes home and her fish is missing? Is kidnapping a fish illegal? Would I be an accessory? I decided to text the owner. I asked her if she minded if Ms. G took the fish. Her response? "Not at all! She'd be doing me a favor! In fact, tell her she can take the whole tank, the other fish that is in it and every thing that comes with it. There's even a 55 gallon tank of the side of the house she can have (a bit of an overkill for one tiny goldfish, but hey, whatever)."

I told Ms G and we nearly died laughing, here she "fished" in nasty water for 15 minutes and braved the chunk of slime that landed on her arm, only to find out that she could have just taken the tank. She said "What am I going to do with a tank? I don't even want the stupid fish, I just don't want it to die!" I explained to her, that with the big tank, she was less likely to spill that water all over her car.

So we dumped most of the water out of the tank. I dumped goldie back in and we loaded the tank in her truck. Both fish then needed to survive for 3 more hours hanging out in a trunk, in the heat of the day, in Florida.

I checked in with Ms G the next day to see if they survived. She said they did and she gave them to her mom. She then said "Goldie keeps trying to eat all of my moms fish so I don't think he appreciated our heroic efforts." You're still a hero in my eyes, Ms. G!

to the moon and back,

Billy Ray

Do you see this beautiful boy here and his gorgeous, blonde locks? Isn't he amazing and perfect? So innocent... Ethereal.... Ok, I'm biased, but come on!

I love his hair. It's messy, curly, soft and wild like him. I have had so many people say things like "His hair is so great, but when are you going to cut it?" "Doesn't he need a trim?" "Does SHE get along with her brother?"

She? My precious baby boy, who is almost always dressed in blue to bring out his eyes, has been mistaken for a girl. More than once. I didn't want to cut it, but even Junior kept fussing with it, pushing it out of his eyes.

I don't do milestones. I am the sappiest person ever and it seems like it's even worse since having Junior. I mean, shoot, I've been known to cry at commercials.

So, I succumbed to peer pressure and here we are, the first haircut milestone. While I was getting Moose's hair cut, I asked the lady doing his, if she could just trim up a little around Junior's face and the top. She said "I could, but So-and-so is better with curls, let him do it. HEY, SO-AND-SO, she'd like you to cut her boys hair."

And just like that, before I could process what was going on, I was sitting in the barber chair with Junior on my lap and the guy coming at us with scissors. I kept saying, "just a little off the top." "I just want it out of his eyes." "Don't cut too much."

But Junior was on my lap, and I couldn't really see what was going on. As he was finishing up, he said, "oh this is great, he's going to look just like that country singer." I didn't know what he meant at the time, nor when we got to the car because of the way it was combed. However, after Junior messed it up some, I saw it... Billy Ray Cyrus. My sweet little boy was sporting a mullet. I cried. He's a toddler, there's no need for him to have business in the front and a party in the back.

I hate it and can't wait for it to grow out. I trimmed up some around the back myself to make it less mullet-like. That helped a little, but the guy cut one side so short that it's hard to hide it. If I comb it and try to "style" it, it's a little better, but seriously? He's 19 months, he immediately rubs his head on the sofa or car seat and messes it up again. I'm traumatized and not sure if I'll ever cut it again. I'm also not posting an after picture. Sad face...

Detox update: Today went well. I have had a dull headache all day and around 2:00, I crashed hard and had to lay down for a little bit. The food is still great. I made Sweet & Hot Ginger Chicken with broccoli bacon salad, coconut lime quinoa and even drop biscuits. They say that through day 5ish is the worst, so we'll see!

to the moon and back,

Carrot Pumpkin Muffins or are they?

These are not the muffins, just a prep pic.

Today consisted of more prep. Now I don't want to scare you away from trying this detox because it seems like too much work. I'm putting this much time in so I have no excuses because I tend to be the queen of excuses when it comes to quitting. I prepared mini bacon (yes, bacon!) tomato spinach quiches, homemade mayonaise (second attempt), tuna salad and carrot pumpkin muffins.

Yes, you heard me right, carrot pumpkin muffins! I'm on a "diet" that allows carrot pumpkin muffins! I quickly envisioned this glorious carrot cake/pumpkin muffin hybrid, moist and decadent but probably "lightened up" with applesauce or something of the like. I mean, not only can I have bacon, I'm encouraged to have it on this diet, so a delicious muffin didn't seem far fetched. I thought "man, this will be a great pick-me-up when I'm craving something a little sweet after a few days. Ok, let's be honest, I'll be craving something about 8:45 tomorrow am.

I figure, I better make up some of these so as not to be tempted by the tasty treats I drive by on a daily basis. I quickly start gathering up the ingredients (I'm totally a gatherer, not a hunter). I make it about 4 ingredients in and low and behold, what do my wandering eyes come upon? 1 Banana mashed....

Ummm... excuse me? In what universe does a BANANA ever belong in either (pronounced eye-ther in this sentence) a scrumptious pumpkin muffin or a cinnamony carrot cake? A banana is the devils fruit. There are no two ways about it and anyone who likes them isn't right in the head. Mind you, I'm including my entire family in that sweeping generalization.

Blah... there go my dreams.

But I made them anyway. Blah.... Hubby and Moose liked them and Junior SCARFED them down. So, I guess it's a win.

I'm pretty sure I'll resort to trying to gag down one later this week.

It starts tomorrow...

to the moon and back,

Just Do It

Just do it? But Jen, yesterday you told us to "Just Say No", I'm so confused!

And confused you should be.... However, what I'm telling you to do today, isn't so much me telling you how to do something as it is me asking how you do something. Even more confused, now? Sweet! Mission accomplished...

Not really, I'll just get to the point. Have you ever told someone something like, "Hey, I really feel like crap about myself today" only to have them respond with "You just need to love yourself" to which you reply "but how do I do that?" and they answer with "You just do it"? (Note: I'm fairly certain that there needs to be more punctuation in this paragraph, but the quotes throw me off and I've never been great with grammar.)

Or have you mentioned to a friend "I'm having a hard time seeing my blessings for all of the crap that seems to be going on" and they reply with something similar to "Just do it"?

Here's my question back to them, "HOW?"

How do you change the ay you are thinking? How do you make yourself love yourself? How do you train your brain to think positively when all that pops up is what's going wrong? How do gain self confidence when you tend to be on the mousey side but good at what you do so you should be confident? How do you gain the strength to stand firm in your "no" or in your pricing or in you stance, whatever it may be? How do you gain the confidence to stand up for yourself?

Well, I'll tell ya how....

Just kidding!

I have no idea. I was hoping you all would have some answers other than "You just do it."

So much for me imparting any wisdom on you.

to the moon and back,

Butterfly Kisses

My oldest son (it still sounds funny to me that I have to specify oldest and youngest) has the longest eyelashes ever. Why do boys get blessed with long eyelashes? Probably because God knows they aren't going to destroy them with all the gobs of mascara.

Anyway, he still gives me butterfly kisses and they are the sweetest. So gentle, so kind, so caring, so loving.

His butterfly kisses pretty much sum up his personality. He is one of the most compassionate 6 year olds I've ever met. His heart truly breaks for those who are hurting and all he wants to do is help everyone.

One thing I was worried about when he started school was that he would become jaded and hardened to the world. There are mean kids out there and I was terrified they would hurt him or his feelings or worse yet, burrow their way into his head and change him.

Thankfully, that hasn't been the case, yet. Part of it could be that we start every morning asking him if he's going to be a leader or a follower and he always responds "leader". When we ask him if he knows what that means, he says "It means that I will do the right thing even if everyone else is doing the wrong thing."

I'm going to take a moment to brag because positivity is always needed and, quite frankly, it's my blog I can brag if I want to. Here are some things that he has done lately that make me burst with pride for him.

• Moose was telling me about a classmate named Isaac.
  Me: Did you tell him your brother's (Junior) middle name is Isaac?Moose: Well, actually, at first I told him I didn't want to be his friend because he's bad. (I explained why that wasn't nice) Then I told him about Junior and that made him happy! Then I told him that before he does anything, he should turn around and look at me and do whatever I'm doing and he won't get in trouble. 
• There is a little boy in his class that has been having a problem with wetting his pants. I said "you don't make fun of him do you?" He replied, "No, I usually walk him back to the class to get clean clothes." He told me "Mommy, I told him like you tell me. 'You have to listen to your body. If your body is telling you that you have to go potty, then you need to go so you don't have an accident.' And you know what mommy? He didn't have an accident for a few days!" 
• He came home one day and was telling me about a little boy in the other kindergarten class who has a disease (Moose is 6 he didn't know how else to explain it). I asked if he mean the little boy who has down syndrome and he said yes. He had lots of questions, would he ever get better, could Junior get it, if mommy had it would she get better, etc. I explained to him that the little boy would never get rid of the "disease", but that he might get better in that he might pick up some verbal skills, he might learn to be better at playing and such.
  
  The next day, Moose had a laundry list of questions, so I did what any good mom would do and I googled it. I found the answers to pretty much all of his questions. Moose said, "I can't wait until Monday so I can ask him to play with me, but I'm so afraid he won't want to play with me." I explained to him that he just has to keep asking every day because this little boy isn't used to being around other kids so it may take him a while to warm up.
  
  Monday morning came and on the way to school I asked what he was looking forward to and he said "Asking that little boy to play with me!"
  
  When I picked him up from school I asked what his favorite part of the day was. He said "Well, my least favorite part was not being able to play with that little boy because we had music today and I didn't get to see him." 

This kid melts my heart. I hope and pray he keeps all of these wonderful qualities and doesn't become transformed by the world.

to the moon and back

Just Say "No"

Yea, yea, yea... it's been over a year since I've blogged.

Recap of the year before I officially start writing this blog:

• Son turned 5
• Got pregnant
• Went on vacay
• Had someone total my car
• Bought a new car
• Had a super rough pregnancy
• 3 sinus infections
• 1 upper respiratory infections
• 3 yeast infections (TMI)
• 1 bacterial infection
• Severe heartburn
• Chronic sciatic pain
• Preeclampsia
• Low amniotic fluid
• Had to replace our washer
• Had a super cute baby boy
• Fought jaundice for 2 1/2 weeks
• Now dealing with his possible hernia
• Had to replace our couch that was worn out from sleeping on it through 5 months of pregnancy
• Had to replace our washer again
• Son started kindergarten
• Son turned 6

Tada... That's it in a nutshell (I think I covered everything)

Now on to the post at hand... Just say no!

To what you ask?

• Drugs!
• Cigarettes!
• Alcohol! (Ok, maybe not wine)
• Caffeine! (What!?! Wait did I type that??)
• Throat punching that annoying coworker!

Those are all pretty easy to say "no" to, right? What about those difficult questions?

• Can you pick up an extra shift or two?
• Can you lead this group at church?
• Can you ask for donations for that school thing?
• Can you collect goods and deliver them?
• Can you wash my car?
• Can you babysit my kids?
• Can you do an emergency tracheotomy?

Those are a little harder to say "no" to, right? Well, maybe not the last one, unless of course, you're a surgeon. And, honestly, why wouldn't you be? This is a very educated blog that attracts very educated readers...

I don't know, maybe it's just me that has a hard time saying no. Why is it so hard???? I've heard it said "Every 'Yes' is a 'No' to something else", but I don't even think I get the opportunity for an inadvertent "no". Somehow, the more I try to pair down my schedule, the busier it gets.

Don't get me wrong, busy is great when it comes to my business (thank God for help!), but it's all the other stuff that consumes every minute of every day! There's the normal routine stuff school drop off and pick up, baby drop off an pick up, work, homework, dinner, laundry, lunches, etc... But then there's the school events (storybook parade, fall festival, fundraising, etc). And then there's church groups women's ministry, small groups, family events, etc...

But Jen, doesn't God want me to do... uh... stuff and things? (Yes I did just make a Walking Dead reference) Well, yes, He certainly does, but He wants you to do them with a good heart and if you are all angsty and bitter about said deeds, then He wouldn't approve. If your "yes'" are taking away from the important things (glorifying Him, your family, friends, career... probably in that order, too), what good are they.

Being busy and making people happy just for the sake of being busy and making people happy, is no way to live. Really, I'm not one to talk, I'm totally writing this for my own sake and if you all get something out of it, too, then fabulous. How about we find something to say "no to this week?

Also, if I ramble, I'm sorry I'm not sorry.... And if I've loosely written on this topic before (maybe here?), get over it, that was years ago and I'm too old to remember.

to the moon and back,

The thing about beauty is...

The thing about beauty is, it's not what you think it is, it's not what you've been told, and you find it in the most unexpected places.

You find it in the strength of the woman battling breast cancer for the third time and still isn't giving up.

You find it in the faith of the mother who remains faithful in her God after the loss of a child and uses her testimony to witness.

You find it in the smile of the breast cancer survivor who has so much joy and fire in her eyes while teaching Zumba.

You find it in the women of all sizes who are laughing and confidently dancing while participating in that Zumba class.

You find it in heart of mom who is struggling with the diagnosis of her child's illness yet stills remains strong for the family.

You find it in the friend who always makes you laugh at the perfect time and gets all of your idiosyncrasies and loves you for them

You find it in the stay at home mom who is at her wits end almost daily, yet holds together the household and loves her children and sacrifices everything for them.

You find it in the mom who works 40+ hours a week but still manages to be at every game and every school event and has dinner on the table.

You find it in the single mother who works tirelessly, often by herself, to provide a life, love and home for her family.

You find it in the sweat dripping off of the back of a women trying yoga, or running, or zumba, or swimming or aerobics for the first time.

You find it in the courage of the women who was able to leave the bondage of an abusive relationship.

You find it in the woman unable to conceive but puts on a strong face for the world around her.

You find it in the stretchmarks and the scars and the wrinkles and the cellulite and muscle definition and the muffin tops and the frizzy hair and goofy laugh and clumsy nature and everything else that make us all beautiful messes.

to the moon and back,

Sense of Entitlement

Something happened the other night, wait... strike that. It didn't just happen, it slapped me across the face and made me realize I take waaaaaaay too much for granted.

And it started with a futon.

Jon and I rearranged our back room/dinning and decided that a futon would be a great way to not only make it roomier, but also add extra sleeping area. So, I did what anyone would do and turned to the swipswap pages on facebook.

Not too long after posting that I was searching for one, someone posted that they had one. She sent pics and I set up a time to go look at it. I asked what she wanted for it and she said to make her an offer.

Let me explain something... I hate making offers on anything. 1. Because I feel like I'm gonna get screwed and offer more than it's worth. 2. I feel like I'm going to insult the person selling the item. (PS don't even ask me to negotiate. "Oh, you want $20? Let me give you $25, I don't want to put you out.")

So, I wrote her back and said, "How about $40 is that ok? I really don't know what to offer."

She immediately wrote back, "I'll take that!"

I should have known then that something was up.

The following night, Jon, Moose and I loaded up in the truck, put the address in the GPS and headed for Deland. Here's the thing with GPS's, they don't tell you what kind of neighborhood it is. We may have chosen not to go.

The more we drove and the closer we got we realized that this may be a bad neighborhood. Then, we had to turn at a little run down convenience store. Across the street was a group of about 10 men who looked questionable to say the least (now, I'm sure I was jumping to conclusions and they were holding a road side bible study, but I digress...). We could literally feel them staring us down as we drove by.

We came to the neighborhood to turn into. It was a trailer park (not a mobile home or modular home development). The trailers all looked as thought they had seen better days. There were children playing in the streets and dogs roaming around.

I'm ashamed to admit that I looked at Jon and said "Is it too late to turn around?"

Then I saw her. The trailer she stepped out of was one of the smallest and seemed to be one of the oldest. She was all of about 18 years old and was preceded by her pregnant belly. Her boyfriend (and the father of her child who looked equally as young) was with her as was her dad.

Jon looked at it first and came back to ask what I thought. I said I'd look at it, but we would buy it no matter what.

When I got out to look at it, she said "I'll take $35 or $30, really whatever you guys want."

Jon handed her the $40 and we loaded it up and left.

As we drove away, I looked at Jon and said, "We don't even know how blessed we are. We take so much for granted."

We aren't entitled to anything that we have. In fact, we don't deserve any of it, especially if we aren't using it to serve others.

The pastor at a church we are attending said, "The money in my wallet is a tool to change the world, not buy more comfort." How are you changing the world? It doesn't take much. 

I'm not saying that you should be giving away everything you have, but are you using every penny you earn to buy your own happiness? The name brand purse, the fancy shoes, the expensive car, the over priced coffee (my word, did I just say that?)... Are you constantly searching for that one thing that's going to fill you up? You aren't going to find it until you find out how to serve others and give with a joyful heart. 

to the moon and back,

Not funny "haha" but funny strange

It's funny how life goes on and days go by and you don't cross my mind. I mean, you're there, always ready to leap to life in a story, but not in the forefront. It's easy to push it back because I didn't see you every day.

Then some days, you're a whisper. You're a song on the radio, a scent in the breeze, a daydream at a familiar place.

Then... then, there are days like today, when you should be there. When all of the family is there. You should be laughing, singing and making us dance. You should be telling your stories and looking impatient not letting anyone know you're having fun. You should be cooking and smiling and hugging your son. And it hits me like a ton of bricks, you're gone.

I can see you in photos, and recall fading memories of moments that have passed but nothing is sufficient. I want another day. A day at the springs, in the mountains, at your dinning room table waiting for dinner. A day to mend fences, a day to aggravate you, a day to laugh at your bad jokes.

Life isn't fair, and death certainly isn't either.

to the moon and back,

Skewed Reality

TV has given me a skewed sense of reality. Shocking, right? I know, TV is usually beaming with reality, what with Toddlers and Tiaras, Honey Boo Boo (a piece of me just died as I typed that), Jersey Shore, Teen Mom, etc... 

Here's a list of my (as my granny says) "stories" and how they have skewed my reality:

• The Walking Dead - I'm now worried that any minute a zombie apocalypse is going to break out and I am going to have to strategically find all of my friends and family and we are going to have to make our way to the local prison for safety and judging the way my garden is growing, I will not be the farmer of the group, so I need to brush up on my marksmanship or head stabbing...
• Revolution - Every time the power flickers, I think "Ok, this is it... It's go time." Then the power comes back on and I think, "Ah, just as well, I'm not sure I'm ready for survival mode. Have you seen my garden?"
• Weeds (terrible show, I know, guilty pleasure) - I now believe that every small "mom & pop" shop is a front for something illegal. "Oh, you've only had two customers all week and you can afford to keep the business open??" Likely story... Plus, apparently pretty much everyone smokes pot, regularly.
• Dexter - It's apparent to me that being a serial killer is much easier than I would have initially expected. I mean as long as you dump the body in the gulf stream and don't keep a token, you are golden.
• Nashville - It's now clear to me that all musicians are tortured souls who come from crazy backgrounds or have addiction problems. Wait... that one just may be reality...
• Lost - Flying has always creeped me out, but now I'm worried about my plane disappearing. I mean seriously, that doesn't happen, right??? Oh... wait... it does.

Ok, so maybe those last two aren't too skewed, but do you see how easily I get sucked in? I'm way too gullible. The next thing you know I'm going to be the mysterious lead singer of a rock group who, by day, is the owner and manager of Starlight Music and who's adopted this persona with the help of my holographic computer. Far fetched, huh?

to the moon and back,

Healing

I've cried
questioned
fought
listened
I've leaned on God
on the bible
on family
on friends
I've felt angry
betrayed
overwhelmed
and just lost
I've bit my tongue
lashed out
reached out
and been crossed
I've been disappointed
disgruntled
alarmed
ashamed
but I know God is with me...
I am with God
washed in the blood
surrounded by family
covered in love
I'm lost in the Word
seeking Him more
accepting hugs
rising above

to the moon and back,

Sticks & Stones

Choose your words wisely. We've all been taught that saying when we were little "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me", but after 30something years of living I have found over and over again that that isn't true.

I'd take a physical wound over an emotional one. Broken bones can heal, gashes heal, punctures heal, bruises heal and all you're let with is a scar... emotional hurt lasts.

Not only does it last, but it can ruin people. A rumor can end marriages, end careers, end friendships, end reputations.

Hurtful words can break a person down to a shell of their former self.

Words can also heal. They can heal hurt, heal marriages, heal hearts.

While they can fix miss-communications, once they have been said, there is no turning back. There's no "take backs". If you say it, make sure it's true because if it's hurtful enough, it will leave a scar that can never be forgotten.

Gossip can ruin someone, but it's so easy to fall into that pit. Dishing the dirt is interesting because it helps us feel better about ourselves. We feel superior because "at least we are that bad, or that messed up or that out of control."

I'm just as guilty as the next person, maybe even more so, that's my demon to battle.

If what you are saying can't be said in front of the person you are talking about, then it's probably gossip and probably hurtful.

Proverbs 12:18 NIV "The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

to the moon and back,

Elf of the Shelf

I don't get it. Why is this thing everywhere you turn?

There are pictures on Facebook, pins on Pinterest with ideas for him and bloggers are blogging about him so fast that I can smell the smoke from their keyboards over here.

So what's the draw? Beats me. In fact, here are a few reasons why I don't and won't give in to the "Elf-mania".

1. Because... hello... I don't want this staring at me:
   
2. Because I have watched one too many scary movies in my day and that thing will surely come to life and kill you while you sleep.
3. Because I don't understand why, if you are teaching kids to be nice and good by pretending to "spy" on them (which is apparently only important in December), why is said "Santa Operative" doing naughty things every night? Shouldn't he be being a better example? If it's "cool" for him to be naughty, isn't that what the kiddos are picking up on? But maybe I'm reading too much into it. (I realize they aren't all naughty, but most seem to be)
4. Because he's uber creepy
5. and most importantly,
   
   I mean, seriously, how do people have time for all of that?

With all that being said, I did see a friend who is using the elf to promote good with her kids. Every morning her "Elfie" is holding a note with a good deed for the kids to do. I do think that's a great idea, however, as I have stated before, I don't get passionate for much. So, Senor Elf, I have no time or passion for your antics.

to the moon and back,

Basking in my food coma

Here I sit, bloated, uncomfortable and semi-motionless due to crashing from my carb laden sugar-high, but with no regrets. 

Did I eat too much? Absolutely.

Did I consume enough calories to feed a small nation? Quite possibly

Would I do it again? Most definitely!

Food and coma aside, I love Thanksgiving. I'm a nostalgic person (in case you haven't noticed here and here and here) so having a day steeped in tradition is a-ok in my book.

The smells, the sounds, the sites. 

Watching my mom prepare a meal that I used to watch my granny prepare makes me happy. Being able to help out, is something that I was looking forward to all week. It seems silly to spend days and hours preparing a meal that will be eaten in about 20 minutes (and munched on off and on for the next few days) but that time preparing is quality time spent with family. 

I remember being at my granny's house watching her work feverishly at getting everything done in time. My papa sitting on the couch pretending he doesn't want to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. I remember all of my aunts, uncles and cousins accumulating at Granny's and chowing down. I remember the laughter, the love, the sarcasm, the feuds, the good and the bad. The point is we were together every year. I miss that. I love what we had today, but I miss the days of everyone coming together.

As such, today I am thankful for memories. New memories, old memories, memories yet to be made. 

I hope you all had a great day and made lots of new memories and are in the process of enjoying your very own food coma as you read this!

to the moon and back,

Why is it so difficult?

Here is a picture of happy coffee because I my brain isn't functioning
at 100% and I can't come up with a creative one to suite the topic.

Here's my question, why is it so difficult for me to spend money on myself? I'll buy stuff for Moose, for Jon, for my family for my friends, but when it comes to me, I feel terribly guilty.

Especially if its a big a purchase. So, why?

Why can't I treat myself?

What if I spend a lot of money on something and then don't use it? What if it's not what I really want, but then can't return it? What if it doesn't last? What if it doesn't work? I could use that money on something more important. It would be selfish if I purchased (insert product here).

How could I spend good money on a yoga membership, or a pedicure, or a new (used) car, or a new computer, or a facial, or new clothes, or a haircut/color when we need a new roof and we need to remodel our master bath, and we need to redo our utility room, and we need to repair my car and Moose would love more toys and Jon would appreciate more bike stuff and I could put that money towards bills and I shouldn't be irresponsible, blah, blah, blah and this and that and so on and so forth....

I wish that just one time I could do or get something without feeling a ridiculous amount of self-inflicted guilt. Would it kill me to be slightly irresponsible? Probably not, but then again, what if something comes up and we could have used that money for something else?

Ugh.... I'm done venting now... Thanks to you, my loyal readers for listening while I have a "poor me" moment. :)

to the moon and back,

Shameless

Shameless confession: (Yes, shame-less, as in "one without shame".) I didn't go to college. Well, that's not entirely true. I went to college, for a year and a semester, but no college degree, so I amend my original statement to reflect "I don't have a college degree."

Shocker? I know right? You'd think with my mad writing skills that I was trained in the art of literary... uh... stuff. So, uh, yea, I can't even come up with the correct adjective to accurately describe the art in which I put my thoughts to paper computer screen. Art is subjective, right?

Anyway, one nice thing about me not "really" going to college is that I have never experienced the burden that is known as a student loan! That's right, folks, I am now and always have been student loan free! Which means that I was not scrambling to find a job before the repayment process started.

Instead, I explained to my parents that I was going to take some time off from college (because I really didn't know what I wanted to study anyway) to visit my then fiancé (now hubby) in Germany for just short of 2 weeks as a graduation gift from his parents. Imagine their delight....

That "time off" turned into a job, which turned into a career (a pretty nice one at that). I quickly moved from receptionist to "Membership Director" to "Director of Membership & Special Events". The latter title did not suit my actual position witch also included AR/AP, committee liaison, customer service, etc... This later ended in a bitter parting of ways (which I elude to here).

I've been many things since opting to not finish college, some of them have served me well and padded my bank account, others have made happy and some not so much.

So, here I am, an adult, with a husband, a son, responsibilities and such and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I've never regretted not finishing college. Which also means I never got a degree that I later regretted. I know I've talked to people who have gotten a degree in something and after a few years, hated their field of study. I feel like that would have been the case for me, mainly because I have a short attention span.

If I had followed some of my "dreams" here's the short list of careers I would have embarked on...

• Horticulturist
• Something in the field of Criminology
• Nutritionist
• Photographer
• Et cetera, Et cetera, Et cetera

So, I'm making a good living cleaning houses and doing sales and marketing for Dapper Snappers and I'm being paid in all of the love and hugs I could ever want (and if you know me, you know it doesn't take much) being a mommy and a wife, that's more than enough for me.

I admire anyone who had the dedication and motivation to get a degree (especially those who went on to get their Bachelor's, Master's or Doctorate's), but I honestly don't regret not getting one for myself. Nor do I feel like it adds or takes away from my worth. 

to the moon and back,