I am made

i am made for smiles

made for laughs 

made for giggles

i am made for hugs

made for snuggles

made for wiggles

i am made for dirt

made for rocks

made for balls

i am made for scrapes

made for bruises

made for falls

i am made for running

made for jumping

made for biking

i am made for digging

made for building

made for hiking

i am made for soaring

made for flying

made for reaching

i am made for loving

made for caring

made for teaching

I am made for helping

made for doing

made for giving

I am made for serving

made for aiding

made for living

to the moon and back,

Through the eyes of a 3 year old

"It was a great Easter day." That's what Moose said before he went to bed tonight.

Actually, what he said was, "Tell daddy that I had a very good Easter day playing with my cousins and my friends and my family. Tell him I love them all very much and that I love him very much. It was a great day!"

And it was a great day a darn near perfect day in the eyes of a 3 year old. He woke up, and came in and laid down with mommy. We got up and he played while I got ready for work. Then Grandma showed up and that meant play time!

They played board games, rode bikes, played on the swing set, had lunch then it was nap time.

While he napped, grandma and I got ready for the guests. There were cupcakes to bake, cool and ice. There were veggies to chop. There were little plastic eggs to fill.

Moose woke up and soon after the guests started arriving. The adults ate, while the kids played. They ran, climbed, went swinging, played tag and slid down the slide. They asked for cupcakes before dinner and some prevailed, it is a celebration after all so dessert comes first, right?

It was time for the men folk to wrangle the little ones to the front yard so the eggs could be hidden, or just thrown about the back yard. There really isn't much to the hiding when there are 1,000 eggs to hide (that may be an exaggeration, but you get the idea).

Then it was time to unleash the hounds! They were off, scooping up eggs as they ran. Eggs were everywhere and their baskets were overflowing. As they ran around they left a trail of spilled eggs, which only brought joy as they realized there were more eggs to find!

With all of the eggs gathered up, it was time for them to examine the spoils of their hard work. Moose opened an egg and out popped a small plastic slinky... "Oh, just what I always wanted! A slinky!" he exclaimed with sincerity. "Easter is so much fun with my friends mom!"

A (I'll switch his friends names with letters) opened an egg and found a bubble ring. His mom opened it up and showed him that it was bubbles and his whole face lit up!

E slowly and carefully hand picked his eggs. He opened his eggs, but wasn't overly impressed. He was more interested in checking out what everyone else was doing. He wanted to keep playing.

L got a small yellow squishy ball from one of his eggs and held it up and said "My yellow!". He was so proud of his airplane erasers and the rest of his haul.

J immediately broke open the fruit snacks and the candy that was allergy safe for him. He tore through every egg, carefully examining each one for treats that he could devour!

Once eggs were done and the yard looked like there had been a plastic egg massacre, it was time to play again. Soon, though, everyone packed up and the night had to come to an end.

A very tired little boy got ready for bed. When we got to his room, I picked him up (my almost 4 foot, 3 year old) and rocked him like I do every night and we sang "You are my Sunshine". I laid him down and we prayed and thanked God for Jesus and the sacrifice He made for us.

So, you see, that was pretty much a perfect day for a 3 year old and quite frankly, it was darn near perfect for this mama, too. My heart is full tonight.

to the moon and back,

Of love and loss and grieving....

Ok, I stole that title from my bosses blog, but it's fitting.

I could start this blog off with "Wow, it's, like totally, been a really long time since I last blogged. I've been sooo super busy with my crazy important life but I totally promise to be better about posting!" (please feel free to read that in your best Valley Girl voice circa 1983), but I won't. Truth is, life happens and while I love writing, and emptying my head of random thoughts (yes, thoughts, plural, I do manage to have more than one, however, trains of thought quickly derail), I also have family, friends, 2.5 jobs, running and the like that fill my days.

I have had a blog brewing in my little brain about the "Are You Mom Enough" article, but my luke warm opinions about most things coupled with the fact that I haven't actually read past the title of the article, have hindered me from diving into that topic further. I am fairly certain, though, that I am not mom enough when you take into account that my almost 3 year old watches TV, has had his vaccinations as well as tylenol & motrin, was only breastfed (and not exclusively, there was formula in the mix) until 14 months, has had (on occasion) a PB&J for breakfast and navigates my iPhone better than me. But that's beside the point, on to the task at hand.

Tonight, I write of love, loss and grieving...

Love... The love of a gracious God, the love of a remarkable mother, the love of humbled friends. First, there is the love of gracious God who gives peace to a family who needs all of the comfort they can get. He has laid out the plans for them and gives them strength though the pain. Then there is the love of a mother, a love that has no rivals. I don't think you can truly understand it until you become one. I'm not taking away from the love a father has for his child, but I am saying that it is a bit different when you have carried, nurtured and felt the child moving from inside you. We give them our bodies for 9 months and in turn they take a piece of our heart with them on the way out. Finally, the love of humbled friends, who no matter how much they do for their friends, no matter how much they give, they are humbled to have the friend who is in need trying to comfort them through her loss.

Loss... One of my dearest friends and her family is having to go through what no one should ever have to experience, the loss of a child. Just a few days ago, after giving birth, she lost her son (you can read about it here). Throughout the pregnancy and birth, she gave her worries to God and above all asked for His will to be done. God's will was done, and part of His plan for Emmett was unveiled as he was able to be an organ donor and has the opportunity to help save the lives of two babies. 

Grieving... I can never claim to know what she is feeling, but I know that since Thursday night, I have been wandering around in a fog with an emptiness in my chest. My heart aches for them and I hate that we (her friends) can't be closer to help her through this and to keep her mind occupied. It's a very helpless feeling to have so much distance between us and to not be able to be with her.

It's amazing how someone so little can fill your heart so much and how you can be filled with so much love so someone that you never got to meet, hold, talk to or cuddle with.

My prayers continue to go out to the Jackson family, I hope you will do the same.

to the moon and back,

Reflection of a day well spent...

It's late, and I'm sitting on my couch, typing and enjoying a delicious cup of choffy lightly sweetened and with a hint of hazelnut creamer, ahhh words can't describe. (Yes, you heard me right, choffy, it is an amazing chocolate drink that is brewed like coffee, only it's ground cocoa beans instead of coffee beans) Choffy is a new obsession of mine. I tend to get new obsessions often, but generally they are short lived. (There was that whole Crystal Pepsi obsession in the early 90's.) Anyway, bottom line it that choffy is amazing, it is however, expensive and the only reason I actually have some in the house is because my mom couldn't drink it (heartburn) so I won the choffy lottery!

As I sit here, basking in choffy goodness (ok, I'll stop raving about the wonderfulness that is choffy, now), I'm reflecting on the day I had.

This is not what my pancakes look like...

My niece stayed with us last night, so when we woke up I had to (yes, had to, she's a feisty one, I'm afraid to tell her no) fix oatmeal pancakes (her very favorite breakfast). Inevitably, when I make pancakes, the first two turn out great, the middle two or three are burnt around the edges and the last two are perfect. I don't know why it happens that way and no matter what I do, I can't change it. so, burnt pancakes for me and perfect ones for the kiddos.

Then I had a much needed conversation with one of my very best friends, Sarah (I feel like I am lucky enough to say that I have several friends that are amazing and are all the best in their own ways). As weird as it sounds, she is one of the main reasons that I have Moose. She changed how I felt about having kids and we were lucky enough to have each other to lean on throughout our whole pregnancies (her son was born a month after Moose). The crazy thing is that even though we are separated by many states and about 18 hours, we still talk like there is no distance. The last few weeks have been ridiculously hectic and I haven't be able to talk to her as much so it was so nice to catch up and unload to each other.

Picnic time

After that, I had the bright idea of taking Moose and Oowa (my niece) to the park for a picnic. The best part of my idea was for us to walk. "It's not that far, it's basically the route I run, so it's not bad." Two miles later we arrived at the park and my 34lb toddler now felt like a 50lb sack of potatoes in the stroller (did I mention that the tires needed air?). We ate our crackers and our PBJ's and re-hydrated from our walk and off they went to play. I sat in the cool shade and just relished the quite time with my legs touched by the warmth of the sun. After about an hour and a half, they were ready to go (and by they, I mean Oowa, I told you, I can't tell her no).

We pack up the stroller and get ready to head out. Oowa (a 53lb, 11 year old) climbs into the stroller and has Moose (a 34lb toddler) climb up on her lap. Hmmm.... ok, so now I have a 87lb sack of potatoes in a stroller with flat tires, "who's idea was this?" Did I mention that this is a jogging stroller with a non-swivel wheel?

40 minutes later we made it home, exhausted, all of us. Moose napped, Oowa rested on the couch and I did some work on our couponing website.

We had pizza and wings for dinner (not the healthiest of choices, but I was tired, get off my back...)

Overall, it was a great day and the weather was perfect!

Potty Time!

Wasn't this just last week?

My baby is growing up... it's bitter sweet. I am so proud of him and I am thrilled at how he is developing, but it means he's slowly becoming a little boy and less a baby. Yes, I am one of those mothers. I cried at his first steps, I cried when he didn't need his pacie, I cry when I even think about turning his crib into a toddler bed (yes, he is still in a crib, don't judge me, he's never tried to climb out). Heck, I bawl my eyes out at the thought of him being a teenager and not needing his mommy and some teenage chick replaces me as the love of his life. Wow, that's incredibly sappy and yet, I as I typed it, my eyes started watering. I know, I'm ridiculous. Let's just accept that and move on.

Where did this wobbling 1 year old go?

The milestone that he crossed tonight was going pee-pee on the potty. Since Monday we have been working with him and trying to get him him used to the idea of going on the "big boy" potty. He has been wearing "big boy" underpants at Mamaw's and she has been encouraging him to pee in the shower and in the yard (don't ask, she lives in the country, no one can see him). Well he has managed to soak her recliner, leave puddles on the floor and create a mess on the porch at which point he quickly told her that she had to clean it up. Still no interest in the potty.

I would pick him up after work and bring him home and put him down for a nap (in a diaper) and as soon as he would wake, I'd run him to the potty (all the while feeling the warmth grow in his diaper). In the 30 seconds it took me to get him from his room to the potty, he had already gone.

Who is this little boy?? Where has the time gone?

Well, today while at my moms, he actually acknowledged when he was going. Yay! He was so excited to tell me about it when I got there to pick him up.

When he woke up from his nap today, we missed it again and he went before I got him to the potty. So I changed him and we went to a friends birthday dinner. We left the house around 5:30pm and didn't get home until around 9:00pm (we had to stop by the store). When we walked in, I said "Moose, do you need to go potty?" and he actually said "YES!"

I said "Ok, lets get to the bathroom, quick! Quick!" we ran down the hall and I got his pants off and pulled his diaper off. It was completely dry! I set him on the potty and said "Ok, you can go!" He got a huge smile on his face and said "Ok"

**Tinkle Tinkle** "Oh Moose! What's that?" He said "I'm going pee-pee!" and then squealed and got an even bigger grin on his face! He yelled for daddy to come and when the hubby got there Moose screamed "I going potty!!!"

I think we all screamed and there were high-fives thrown around and then a naked toddler running through the house asking to call everyone he knows so he can tell them. It was the most precious thing ever. To see the pride in his eyes and to see how excited he was took my breath away. I know it sounds incredibly silly to say that my son peeing on the potty would take my breath away, but if you could have seen the look on his face, it was priceless.

We have an amazing little boy, who will one day be an even more amazing man and while I want it to take a very long time getting here, I am excited to see the person he will become.

I love you, Moose....

To the moon and back,

For Moose..

My quest for getting healthy is not completely selfish. I mean sure, I would love to be comfortable in a bathing suit again and I would love to go out and buy cute, trendy clothes, but ultimately, my drive, my motivation is Moose.

I want him to see me as an active mom. I want to be able to run and chase him without having to take a break to catch my breath. I want him to think it's normal to pick up and go for a run, to eat veggies and lean meat. I don't want him to think that McDonald's and Dunkin Donuts is a staple in a normal diet. I don't want him to make healthy choices, I want the healthy choices to come naturally for him.

I have been on the heavier side most of my life. It's a difficult way to go through life (always wondering if people are watching what you eat, hearing the whispers "isn't she too heavy to wear that?", the assumptions "When are you due?"), I don't want him to deal with any of that.

I'm not ranting, I'm not pushing my beliefs on you. I am mainly giving myself a reminder as to my motivation. I have been sick the past few days and have been able to run or work out (believe it or not, I do MISS it) , and I know how easy it is to fall out of a routine.

Every time I look at him, I need to remember that it's all for Moose.

To the moon and back,

So much to talk about

It's been quite a while since I blogged and I feel like there is so much to talk about that I don't know where to begin...

Love - I have never felt so loved. I have an amazing husband, wonderful family and the best friends a girl could ask for. I had the pleasure of spending some time with one of my dearest friends, Sarah. I don't get to see her much because her husband got a job and took her back to IN. How selfish of him (insert sarcasm font here). In addition to spending time with Sarah, I got to spend time with her folks and her little boy. Her parents were so great. I couldn't have asked for a better welcome. They were so gracious and made me feel like part of the family. Love you guys and thank you!

Life - Crazy busy to say the least. While we were on said trip (when we left IN and got to KY for my work), we had 2 ER visits. The first of which was at 2:30 am at the Children's Hospital in Louisville. Moose was feverish, wasn't sleeping, had lost his appetite, crying, fussing, and had a really bad diaper rash as well as a rash on his chin. After 4 hours in the ER, we leave with Motrin and a diagnosis of... Hand, Foot & Mouth (and butt, but no one mentions that) Disease. The best I can figure it, is that he picked it up at the Children's Museum in Indianapolis (which is AMAZING, by the way). Nice... Oh, did I mention that it is HIGHLY contagious and we are traveling with my 80 something year old granny with a diminished immune system?

What was the 2nd ER visit, you ask? Well, it was for my Granny later the same day. She was having trouble breathing, was getting dizzy spells and her ankles were swelling. They did all kinds of tests on her and while she was there, her and my aunt fell in love with the doctor (who apparently looked like Dr. Travis Stork from the show the Doctors).  Ah... if only my granny was 40 years younger...

Mommy-hood - Moose turned two, pardon me while I ball my eyes out... It was a great party, he loved the balloons and we had a kiddy pool, sprinklers and our swing-set. I think all the little ones had fun. He got so many toys and so many clothes! I think he is set for the winter. We went together with my parents and got him a Stryder Balance Bike. He loves the idea of having his own bike, just like daddy!

Caffeine - Yes, please! Lots and lots! As a matter of fact, can I just get an IV hooked up to my arm?It's fall so all of the yummy fall flavors are out there and while visiting Sarah, she treated me to a Salted Caramel Mocha from Starbucks. It's like a little bit of heaven topped with salted caramel goodness. If I was rich (and didn't have to worry about the calories) I would have a Salted Caramel Mocha every morning and a Pumpkin Spice Latte every night. Both accompanied by a slice of my mom's pumpkin bread. Mmmm... my mouth is watering as I speak. I'm not sure that there is much out there right now that tops those flavors. Oh how I love fall!

So those are my thoughts on Love, Life, Mommy-Hood and Caffeine for now. Here's wishing you many, many caffeine filled drinks!

I Hope My Son Marries an Orphan...

Yea, I know that seems blunt... but there is truth in humor, right?

I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, I've had conversations with other moms of boys who have said the same thing. They just may not admit it too publicly. Me? I'm not afraid. I have a feeling I will be like the Jane Fonda character in the movie "Monster-In-Law". “It's wonderful being in love. But I don't think marriage is the best solution to a thing like this.”

What I am afraid of is my son falling in love and running away with her family. Is that wrong?

Seriously, he's not even two yet and I am worrying about his future family. But when I found out that he was a "he", that was one of the first thoughts I had. Well... actually... when I found out he was a boy, I cried for a day thinking "What am I gonna do with a boy?" when in reality I think I would have done the same thing if I found out I was having a girl. I think that "knowing" was just what finally made it real for me.

Everything I have heard from the mothers of girls is that, yeah, it may be harder to raise girls, but once they grow up, girls still need their mothers. Most of what I have heard from mothers of boys is that they get married and adopt the wife's family. I'm terrified of that. I love the fact that my son needs me and thinks I am the greatest person ever (I am, after all, the greatest person ever, it's just nice that he recognizes it) and I am the most important woman in his life.

Not to mention, I really don't want to see some girl who thinks she knows whats best for him. Is this a premature fear? Yes, and I am aware of that. Does that make it any less real? No...

So in conclusion, I hope my son marries an orphan, that way there is no competition. Yes, I'm selfish, I am aware of that too... the sooner everyone else realizes that, the better off we will all be... :)