I'm a "Yes" girl

That's me... a "yes" girl.

As I mentioned earlier, "No" doesn't frequent my vocabulary (unless you ask my husband, I'm fairly certain that he will tell you that I tell him "no" all of the time).

I am a people pleaser which makes me a "yes" girl. I want people to be happy and if I can do that by saying yes and helping them out, then why not?

Why not? Well, because as a "yes" girl, I tend to spread myself way (and I mean waaaay) to thin (and not thin in a good way!). I over-commit myself and am always rushing to get things done.

Here's my dilemma, I like being a "yes" girl. I like making people happy. I like doing things for people. If you have read the "5 Love Languages", my love language is "Acts of Service" (if you haven't read it, you should, I recommend it to every couple, married or not), that means that the way I show love it to do things for you.

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I am constantly worrying "Oh, what will they think if I say this or do that?" Why does it matter? If they really love me then they will respect my opinion, right? But what if they get mad at me? What if they don't want to be my friend? I spend way too much time thinking about that kind of stuff. It's maddening, really...

So here's to 2013... the year I try to start being myself more, the year that I'm not afraid to hold back my opinions, the year I say "no" a little more and "yes" a little less...

To the moon and back...

For Moose..

My quest for getting healthy is not completely selfish. I mean sure, I would love to be comfortable in a bathing suit again and I would love to go out and buy cute, trendy clothes, but ultimately, my drive, my motivation is Moose.

I want him to see me as an active mom. I want to be able to run and chase him without having to take a break to catch my breath. I want him to think it's normal to pick up and go for a run, to eat veggies and lean meat. I don't want him to think that McDonald's and Dunkin Donuts is a staple in a normal diet. I don't want him to make healthy choices, I want the healthy choices to come naturally for him.

I have been on the heavier side most of my life. It's a difficult way to go through life (always wondering if people are watching what you eat, hearing the whispers "isn't she too heavy to wear that?", the assumptions "When are you due?"), I don't want him to deal with any of that.

I'm not ranting, I'm not pushing my beliefs on you. I am mainly giving myself a reminder as to my motivation. I have been sick the past few days and have been able to run or work out (believe it or not, I do MISS it) , and I know how easy it is to fall out of a routine.

Every time I look at him, I need to remember that it's all for Moose.

To the moon and back,

Bitter coffee, bitter thoughts

Let me be clear... I LOVE coffee, but I do not like my coffee black and bitter, I like it like I like my thoughts: light and sweet!

I'm pretty sure that in my next life I will be a barista making creamy, sweet, delicious coffee creations. Spreading love one caffeinated drink at a time. Hot ones, iced ones, blended ones... mmmmm, but alas, here I sit with my hot cup of joe sweetened with splenda and flavored with Coffee Mate's Creme Brulee creamer. That's as close as I'll get for now.

Now on to bitter thoughts...

Over the past few years we (mainly I) have gone through some changes, some good, some bad, all that have made me the person I am today. I try my hardest to focus on the positive, but sometimes it is hard and the bitter thoughts creep back in.

It's very hard for me to comprehend how quickly people change from loving you and thinking you are the best thing ever, to thinking you are the anti-Christ bent on world domination no matter who you step on to get there (no one in my life currently, mind you, things are pretty great right now).

For a very long time I had my priorities pretty messed up and gave too much of myself to people who were way to quick to try to take it all away. People I trusted, people I respected, people who then called into question my character. I was crushed because those who really know me, know I mean no harm. As much as I try to move on and try to forgive those people, a part of me wants to remain angry... needs to be angry, a part of me wants to hold on and I think that's what makes it worse, that they still have some control over me. Broken hearted is the best way to describe it.

As I said, everything I have gone through has made me the person I am today, good, bad or indifferent, here I am... But know this, I'm a bit more cautious who I really let in, I'm a bit more careful what I consider a priority and I will never give that much of myself to anything that is not my family (and by family I mean friends too, you are all my family).