I'm in awe...

 

I have to say, I am completely in awe. I wrote last week about a loss my very dear friend had suffered (read it here). When Sarah found out about the babies diagnosis, her plans for the birth changed drastically, from a home birth to a hospital birth, 4 hours from home. Long story short, she didn't have health insurance and now was going to be strapped with tons of medical bills as well as travel expenses.

That was when another dear friend and I decided we needed to do something. Our idea when from a holding a long distance "baby shower" to raise a little bit of money to help with gas and such, to the possibility of hosting a 5K (way out of our scope of planning) to finally a dance-a-thon. Rebecca had been to several Zumba-thons and Sh'Bam classes and thought it would be a great way to raise money. The idea quickly grew legs and the next thing you know we had a website, facebook page, bank account, paypal account and we were ready to promote.

We started this to help lighten their load. We had no idea what to expect, what we got was amazing. Donations starting coming in through the website, people were sharing the facebook page, sponsors started coming in and donations for giveaways and auction items were overwhelming. We held the event yesterday (the 16th of June), and it went so well. Everyone who came out had a great time and we are so appreciative of the ones who came early to help set up and stayed late to help clean up.

The amount of love and prayers that has been poured out for this amazing family has blown my mind. The majority of donations that have come in have been from people who never even met this family. Praise God, we were able to raise a little over $4,000 to help with medical and funeral costs. There is no way that we (Rebecca, the Jackson Family and I) could ever thank you all enough.

From the bottom of our hearts, thank you to everyone who prayed, donated, volunteered, danced, sponsored and everything in-between.

To the moon and back...

I wandered

I kinda feel like this is my testimony. I've had times in my walk when I've fallen away, felt empty, betrayed, but I have realized that with out Jesus, there's really no comfort, no forgiveness and no healing.

A few years ago, I lost my cousin to cancer. She was a year older than me and at the time left behind a 6 year old daughter. Nothing made sense. I was angry at God. I realize now that everything happens for a reason. Good, bad or indifferent, it's not for us to know why. If we didn't have the lows, how would we recognize the highs?

i wandered the street
empty and broken
a shell of love song
better left unspoken
angry and bitter
a soul full of blame
no light to the world
just a snuffed out flame
seeking some guidance
some comfort, some peace
but the resentment's still clutching
no sign of release
when a stranger reached out
offering a hand
promising life
if i just take a stand
but what good is a life
if it's just full of pain
He said to be washed
with His blood comes gain
forgiveness and mercy
flow from His scars
release from this temporary
life behind bars
bars of pain
of sickness and death
i turned to His face
to be filled with His breath
i reached at His robe
for just a touch of healing
begging for love
engulfed with a feeling
i wandered the street
empty and broken
found peace in my savior
and the love He has spoken

Bitter coffee, bitter thoughts

Let me be clear... I LOVE coffee, but I do not like my coffee black and bitter, I like it like I like my thoughts: light and sweet!

I'm pretty sure that in my next life I will be a barista making creamy, sweet, delicious coffee creations. Spreading love one caffeinated drink at a time. Hot ones, iced ones, blended ones... mmmmm, but alas, here I sit with my hot cup of joe sweetened with splenda and flavored with Coffee Mate's Creme Brulee creamer. That's as close as I'll get for now.

Now on to bitter thoughts...

Over the past few years we (mainly I) have gone through some changes, some good, some bad, all that have made me the person I am today. I try my hardest to focus on the positive, but sometimes it is hard and the bitter thoughts creep back in.

It's very hard for me to comprehend how quickly people change from loving you and thinking you are the best thing ever, to thinking you are the anti-Christ bent on world domination no matter who you step on to get there (no one in my life currently, mind you, things are pretty great right now).

For a very long time I had my priorities pretty messed up and gave too much of myself to people who were way to quick to try to take it all away. People I trusted, people I respected, people who then called into question my character. I was crushed because those who really know me, know I mean no harm. As much as I try to move on and try to forgive those people, a part of me wants to remain angry... needs to be angry, a part of me wants to hold on and I think that's what makes it worse, that they still have some control over me. Broken hearted is the best way to describe it.

As I said, everything I have gone through has made me the person I am today, good, bad or indifferent, here I am... But know this, I'm a bit more cautious who I really let in, I'm a bit more careful what I consider a priority and I will never give that much of myself to anything that is not my family (and by family I mean friends too, you are all my family).