Whirlwind...

I woke up and it was Halloween. I went to bed and woke up and it was New Years. Yes, that's what it seems like. I can't for the life of me figure out where the latter part of 2012 went. I remember that we had a great Halloween, Thanksgiving, 13 year wedding anniversary, Christmas, birthday and new years, but they almost seem like they happened the same day.

So, here we are in 2013 and all I have heard about lately is resolutions. What are mine, you ask? Well, I don't have any specifically, but generally speaking I guess I have a few.

Everyone loves a bulleted list, right? So here we go...

• Continue on my healthier living trek (mind, body & spirit). Technically, this started before 2013, but I want to make sure I continue with it.
• With that in mind here are a few things I am doing to keep up with that
• I'm doing a 21 day Yoga Challenge (21 days straight of yoga, no skipping or I'm out) and today was day 12.
• Eating cleaner, I'm back to eating more veggies and less processed foods. I've managed to stay away from fast food (other than subway) for a few months now.
• I'm also eliminating things that take up time, but don't serve the greater good, like God, my family or my friends.
• Spend more time with my son and husband
• Spend more time with God
• To care less about making everyone else happy and care more about making myself happy, my husband happy and my son happy
• Drink a little more coffee and a little more choffy
• Wear more heels and dress up more

I don't think those are too hard. A few of these might be a tad challenging for me. Why? Because I don't know how to say "no". I'm a "yes" girl and I know that's not always a good thing. I tend to spend time stressing over what everyone thinks of me and if they like me and if they are happy instead of doing what makes me happy or what makes me feel good. Constant worrying does not do a body good.

So, if you ask me to do something, and I say "no", please don't take it personally. It just means that maybe, spending time watching TV with my husband and son is a little more important.

To the moon and back...

Of love and loss and grieving....

Ok, I stole that title from my bosses blog, but it's fitting.

I could start this blog off with "Wow, it's, like totally, been a really long time since I last blogged. I've been sooo super busy with my crazy important life but I totally promise to be better about posting!" (please feel free to read that in your best Valley Girl voice circa 1983), but I won't. Truth is, life happens and while I love writing, and emptying my head of random thoughts (yes, thoughts, plural, I do manage to have more than one, however, trains of thought quickly derail), I also have family, friends, 2.5 jobs, running and the like that fill my days.

I have had a blog brewing in my little brain about the "Are You Mom Enough" article, but my luke warm opinions about most things coupled with the fact that I haven't actually read past the title of the article, have hindered me from diving into that topic further. I am fairly certain, though, that I am not mom enough when you take into account that my almost 3 year old watches TV, has had his vaccinations as well as tylenol & motrin, was only breastfed (and not exclusively, there was formula in the mix) until 14 months, has had (on occasion) a PB&J for breakfast and navigates my iPhone better than me. But that's beside the point, on to the task at hand.

Tonight, I write of love, loss and grieving...

Love... The love of a gracious God, the love of a remarkable mother, the love of humbled friends. First, there is the love of gracious God who gives peace to a family who needs all of the comfort they can get. He has laid out the plans for them and gives them strength though the pain. Then there is the love of a mother, a love that has no rivals. I don't think you can truly understand it until you become one. I'm not taking away from the love a father has for his child, but I am saying that it is a bit different when you have carried, nurtured and felt the child moving from inside you. We give them our bodies for 9 months and in turn they take a piece of our heart with them on the way out. Finally, the love of humbled friends, who no matter how much they do for their friends, no matter how much they give, they are humbled to have the friend who is in need trying to comfort them through her loss.

Loss... One of my dearest friends and her family is having to go through what no one should ever have to experience, the loss of a child. Just a few days ago, after giving birth, she lost her son (you can read about it here). Throughout the pregnancy and birth, she gave her worries to God and above all asked for His will to be done. God's will was done, and part of His plan for Emmett was unveiled as he was able to be an organ donor and has the opportunity to help save the lives of two babies. 

Grieving... I can never claim to know what she is feeling, but I know that since Thursday night, I have been wandering around in a fog with an emptiness in my chest. My heart aches for them and I hate that we (her friends) can't be closer to help her through this and to keep her mind occupied. It's a very helpless feeling to have so much distance between us and to not be able to be with her.

It's amazing how someone so little can fill your heart so much and how you can be filled with so much love so someone that you never got to meet, hold, talk to or cuddle with.

My prayers continue to go out to the Jackson family, I hope you will do the same.

to the moon and back,

Everything to everyone?

To be everything to everyone is impossible. So why do we try? Who knows... Cause it's better to be liked than not?

Why do we try so hard when in the end it doesn't matter? You can't be everything to everyone, so why not spend the time making it count to the ones who really matter?

I'm guilty of taking things and people for granted. I put on a polite smile and a kind word for people I don't even know (and quite frankly, don't matter in the grand scheme of things) but I come home grouchy and grumpy to the people who love me and want to be with me. Why do I do that? Granted, it's not an everyday occurrence (I'm not that bad to be around!), but it happens more than it should. I am very blessed to have an amazing group (friends & family) around me. I may not have the material stuff, but I'm coming to grips with that because (like my brother-in-law says) they won't be pulling a U-Haul behind my hearse.

I think at some point we all take those we love for granted, thinking (whether consciously or unconsciously) that they will always be there. And, really, shouldn't they be able to deal with us and our moods? We deal with theirs! I don't think so. Yes, we should be able to talk to them about what's going on and how we feel, but not to take it out on them. I hate how easily I get frustrated at times because of some outside influence (bills, road rage, laundry, etc...) and I hate how I let things like that (that don't matter) effect my mood and my family.

I'm a Christian and I should be giving my worries to God, but man is it hard, and I feel like less of a Christian when I can't. How do you give it to Him and why does it seem so easy for some people? Seriously, what makes me think that I can do a better job than Him? Why am I such a control freak? Why do I have more questions than answers?? :)

I know that I can't be everything to everyone. I know that I can't make everyone happy. I just hope that I am making the important ones happy. I hope that above everything I'm making God proud and my family (I include friends when I say family) proud and I hope that both know how they are my everything.