Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Censor me?

No need, I do enough censoring on my own.

Now, when I sat down to write, I had a totally different topic to discuss, several actually (all of which will eventually become blog posts):

  • The Paradigm Shift aka When did I become the old one?
  • Hot Yoga + Leftover Mascara = Hot Mess aka Do I look like one of those dead party girls found in a back alley on an episode of Law & Order SVU?
  • ISO a Bubble for my Son aka This world is crazy and I don't want him to be exposed to it.
  • Breakouts & Wrinkles aka If you are old enough for wrinkles, wouldn't it only be fair to grow out of breakouts?
But then, my hubby and I were having a deep philosophical conversation over a deliciously flavored coffee (Pecan Praline, if you were wondering) and it spurred this topic. Like I have said before, this blog is my therapy, so I shall get it out of my head and onto the screen.

I censor myself way too much. I'm not talking about cuss words, and I'm not talking about blatantly calling someone names or the like, I'm talking about my feelings and my opinions and so on.

I don't want to offend anyone... ever. Which I guess isn't totally a bad thing to those around me, but it also makes me a bit of a push over leaving myself wide open to be taken advantage of, but is it really being taken advantage of if I say "yes" even if it is for fear of offending you? It's ridiculous, I even get anxiety over possible offending someone, even if I am defending myself. 

Why? Why am I so concerned? I don't want to be mean to anyone, but, dang it, if you ask if I like the song you are listening to, I should be able to say no. If you ask my opinion, I should be able to truthfully give it to you with out feeling guilty. I mean, for pete's sake, I shouldn't have to proof read and rewrite a 4 line text 10 times before sending because I'm worried about how it will sound. It's so bad that I even try to censor my hubby and the things that come out of his mouth. However, anyone who knows him knows that's darn near impossible.

The bottom line is, I should be able to be me... period. If you love me, you'll appreciate my honesty, if you are a fair-weather friend, then you'll probably be offended, but that's ok, too and I should be ok with that, because if you are willing to not take me for all that I am, then I probably shouldn't have you in my life. 

I don't know where this people-pleasing trait came from, but I'd kind of like to return it.

PS I had my hubby proofread this to make sure it didn't sound to harsh.... Geeze... what's wrong with me? :)

to the moon and back,


  1. OMG (Gosh) it's not just me (ahhhh) I am so with you on this post... WHY? WHY? WHY? I'm right there with you. And it seems to me that my (kindness) is at times mistaken for (weakness) when DEEP down inside I could sooooo handle myself and put people in their place (if need be) but I DONT! I don't want to hurt there feelings (mind you it seems like others have no problem "crushing" mine) but when the shoe seems to be on the other foot I am slammed as not caring or selfish, etc.... it's almost like when I do "have an opinion" and or it does not mesh w/ the person I'm talking to then somehow I am the BAD person... so I then "censor" myself and just sit back and even if I don't agree and or don't like I just "agree" and or say YES, YES, YES when inside I'm saying NO-NO-NO to avoid any kind of "conflict!" It's sooooo refreshing to know I am NOT alone!

  2. You are not alone! I wish I could change it! Hang in there!