Thirty-what?

I'm 31, 32 in December? When did that happen and where was I? Somehow I lost about 13 years somewhere.

I may come off all calm, cool, collected and confident, but most days I feel like I'm still 18. Straight out of high school, feeling like no one will take me serious. I think that stems from working in a job where I was always the youngest (by at least around 10 years) and I felt like they never put a whole lot of stock in what I said even though I rocked at what I did. The other thing I was good at was eventually getting them to do what I wanted them to do (usually they took credit for it) and it was successful. No matter how good things turned out, I never "proved" myself to them. It seemed as though I was always the "kid" playing dress up.

Now that I am away from that, I still find myself falling into way of thinking. Why is it that every year, the number changes, but our minds don't? It's like my mind can't grasp the idea of of being "grown up"! I mean, really, I'm a mom?? Aren't moms supposed to be super smart and know everything? Seemed like my mom always did. In fact, I still call her for everything... yes, pretty much EVERYTHING. When am I supposed to know that stuff? Did I miss a class somewhere? How am I going to pass along wisdom, when secretly I'm calling my mom on the phone asking for her answer?

So, I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up, nor do I know when I will actually be grown up, but I'm getting pretty good at faking it! :)

I'm wondering though, do you ever feel grown or is there always that insecure little kid lurking in your subconscious? Do super successful business men feel their age? Or are they always second guess themselves too?