Thursday, October 13, 2011

What's... What's my... What's my motivation?

Ugh.... So, I did the unthinkable tonight, I looked back at pictures of myself prior to Moose.

Before - 199 lbs (ack!!!)
A little history about me, I have been on the heavier side most of my life. I've been just a little overweight, really over weight and straight up what I would call fat (it's not insulting, when I'm referring to myself, ha!) and then, for a brief shinning moment (about 2 years total) I was at my goal weight. It took two years of hard work and dedication, but I lost almost 80 lbs and was not only the thinnest I have ever been, but also the healthiest and most in shape. I could jog right at two miles straight without stopping. Yes, me, who would get winded walking to the mail box, could run and I loved it. I lost the weight and kept it off for a little over 2 years (until I got pregnant). I wore a bikini for the first time since I was like 5 and I went from a size 18 to a very comfortabe size five (I don't remember EVER being a size 5, I was a size 9 in 8th grade). Ahhh.... size 5... you seem like such a distant memory now.
After (pre-baby) - 125lbs

Now, I'm not so much a 5 as I am a size 11. I know that's not fat, please understand that I am NOT saying I am fat. I am saying that looking back at photo's of when I was thrilled with my overall image makes me sad and makes me really want to get back there. I am saying that I am not content with where I am now.

Here's the problem... MOTIVATION! Yep, I have a motivation problem and a temptation problem (mainly stupid pumpkin stuff, stupid fall and your stupidly delicious coffee drinks and pumpkiny goodness).  Ugh! That being said, I am really gonna try to get rid of the extra pounds now. I mean really, I can't keep blaming it on Moose now that he's like 2 years old. At some point I have to take responsibility. Since I am the one who is shoveling bite after bite of pumpkin cheesecake in my mouth (ahhh, pumpkin cheesecake, why must you be the devil?) Tonight my salad for dinner and my snack of carrots, radishes and snow peas was negated because of said pumpkin cheesecake.
Current (post-baby) - 150 something...

How did I do it before? Well, as cliche as it sounds, diet and exercise. Although I will say my definition of "diet" was a complete lifestyle change. I literally watched what I ate and portions were EVERYTHING. Anyone who saw my pantry at that time, thought I was a freak. As soon as I got home from the grocery store and farmers market, I spend a few hours portioning and prepackaging everything, frozen meats, veggies, snacks, wheat pasta, etc... Everything got sorted into snack baggies and was portioned in 1 to 2 serving sizes. That took all of the guess work out for me and made it so easy to just grab and go. I was very dedicated (I can't remember a time when I was more dedicated to something). The best part was that Jon and I did it together so I didn't have to worry about cooking differently for him. He lost almost 80lbs at the time, too. (He did it in 6 months as compared to my 2 years... stupid boys and their fast metabolisms).

Jon has agreed to try it again, plus we want to be good examples for Moose (although, he eats way better than we do, I am super strict about what goes into his mouth). I would like to run again, but the thing I hate about running is the whole getting used to running again. Jon is amazing. He can go 6 months or more without running and get out and run a 5k with no problem (stupid boys and that whole "hunting" gene). He is the best running coach ever, though. He can always make me go just a little further each time.

Ok, I think I have really talked myself into it. Let see how this goes. I'll keep you posted, but, no worries, it's not going to completely take over my blog.

Love, hugs & caffeine,

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