Censor me?

No need, I do enough censoring on my own.

Now, when I sat down to write, I had a totally different topic to discuss, several actually (all of which will eventually become blog posts):

• The Paradigm Shift aka When did I become the old one?
• Hot Yoga + Leftover Mascara = Hot Mess aka Do I look like one of those dead party girls found in a back alley on an episode of Law & Order SVU?
• ISO a Bubble for my Son aka This world is crazy and I don't want him to be exposed to it.
• Breakouts & Wrinkles aka If you are old enough for wrinkles, wouldn't it only be fair to grow out of breakouts?

But then, my hubby and I were having a deep philosophical conversation over a deliciously flavored coffee (Pecan Praline, if you were wondering) and it spurred this topic. Like I have said before, this blog is my therapy, so I shall get it out of my head and onto the screen.

I censor myself way too much. I'm not talking about cuss words, and I'm not talking about blatantly calling someone names or the like, I'm talking about my feelings and my opinions and so on.

I don't want to offend anyone... ever. Which I guess isn't totally a bad thing to those around me, but it also makes me a bit of a push over leaving myself wide open to be taken advantage of, but is it really being taken advantage of if I say "yes" even if it is for fear of offending you? It's ridiculous, I even get anxiety over possible offending someone, even if I am defending myself. 

Why? Why am I so concerned? I don't want to be mean to anyone, but, dang it, if you ask if I like the song you are listening to, I should be able to say no. If you ask my opinion, I should be able to truthfully give it to you with out feeling guilty. I mean, for pete's sake, I shouldn't have to proof read and rewrite a 4 line text 10 times before sending because I'm worried about how it will sound. It's so bad that I even try to censor my hubby and the things that come out of his mouth. However, anyone who knows him knows that's darn near impossible.

The bottom line is, I should be able to be me... period. If you love me, you'll appreciate my honesty, if you are a fair-weather friend, then you'll probably be offended, but that's ok, too and I should be ok with that, because if you are willing to not take me for all that I am, then I probably shouldn't have you in my life. 

I don't know where this people-pleasing trait came from, but I'd kind of like to return it.

PS I had my hubby proofread this to make sure it didn't sound to harsh.... Geeze... what's wrong with me? :)

to the moon and back,

New Found Energy

This is how I spent New Years day, with 52 other yogi's

I'll start this by saying that I have never officially done yoga in my life.

With that being said, my friend (who happens to be my neighbor) told me about this 21 day yoga challenge. The premise is simple, 21 days straight of yoga for only $21. You can go to any class that you want as long as you do one class a day. You can miss one class, but if you do, you have to double up the day before or the day after. Seems easy enough, I mean yoga just looks like a bunch of stretching and meditation, right??

Ok, I was a tad naive to say the least. While yoga is a lot of stretching, self reflection and meditation, it is so much more than that. For one thing, the hot classes are about 90 to 95 degrees (at least at this studio) and warm classes are between 85 and 90. Oh, did I mention the 65% humidity? Yea, about 5 minutes into the class and I look like I have taken a shower with my clothes on. Another thing, some of the classes are very fast paced, to the point of cardio. What's worse is I don't know if it's harder to do the fast paced classes or the ones where you have to hold the stretches and poses for ridiculous amounts of time. It's crazy.

But you know what's crazier? I like it! Some may say that makes me a masochist, to them I say I'm just trying to get into shape and this challenge has been a good kick start.

Let's face it, I'm not getting any younger, I mean, I'll be 25 this year, *couch* *cough* (amazing that I have been in a relationship with my husband for 17 years, yet I'm only 25... forever 25...) and I need to lean out this fatty tissue and to take care of my heart. Not to mention, we want to have another baby soon and I my goal is to stay active while I am pregnant. I have better odds if I start out active.

On a side note, I have had amazing amounts of energy lately. Saturday, after morning yoga, the hubby and I took Moose on a 12 mile (decent paced) bike ride on the beach and Sunday (when I could have been napping) I spent 4 hours in the kitchen prepping for the week and cleaning. Today I came home from work and (finally) went through our Christmas decor and paired it down and reorganized and tonight after yoga I jogged/walked 2 miles on a local bridge and then cam home and cleaned up the kitchen. It's a great side effect!

Next month, I'm going to take the challenge again, at a different studio. Maybe I am crazy... but don't knock it until you try it!

to the moon and back,

I'm a "Yes" girl

That's me... a "yes" girl.

As I mentioned earlier, "No" doesn't frequent my vocabulary (unless you ask my husband, I'm fairly certain that he will tell you that I tell him "no" all of the time).

I am a people pleaser which makes me a "yes" girl. I want people to be happy and if I can do that by saying yes and helping them out, then why not?

Why not? Well, because as a "yes" girl, I tend to spread myself way (and I mean waaaay) to thin (and not thin in a good way!). I over-commit myself and am always rushing to get things done.

Here's my dilemma, I like being a "yes" girl. I like making people happy. I like doing things for people. If you have read the "5 Love Languages", my love language is "Acts of Service" (if you haven't read it, you should, I recommend it to every couple, married or not), that means that the way I show love it to do things for you.

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I am constantly worrying "Oh, what will they think if I say this or do that?" Why does it matter? If they really love me then they will respect my opinion, right? But what if they get mad at me? What if they don't want to be my friend? I spend way too much time thinking about that kind of stuff. It's maddening, really...

So here's to 2013... the year I try to start being myself more, the year that I'm not afraid to hold back my opinions, the year I say "no" a little more and "yes" a little less...

To the moon and back...

Whirlwind...

I woke up and it was Halloween. I went to bed and woke up and it was New Years. Yes, that's what it seems like. I can't for the life of me figure out where the latter part of 2012 went. I remember that we had a great Halloween, Thanksgiving, 13 year wedding anniversary, Christmas, birthday and new years, but they almost seem like they happened the same day.

So, here we are in 2013 and all I have heard about lately is resolutions. What are mine, you ask? Well, I don't have any specifically, but generally speaking I guess I have a few.

Everyone loves a bulleted list, right? So here we go...

• Continue on my healthier living trek (mind, body & spirit). Technically, this started before 2013, but I want to make sure I continue with it.
• With that in mind here are a few things I am doing to keep up with that
• I'm doing a 21 day Yoga Challenge (21 days straight of yoga, no skipping or I'm out) and today was day 12.
• Eating cleaner, I'm back to eating more veggies and less processed foods. I've managed to stay away from fast food (other than subway) for a few months now.
• I'm also eliminating things that take up time, but don't serve the greater good, like God, my family or my friends.
• Spend more time with my son and husband
• Spend more time with God
• To care less about making everyone else happy and care more about making myself happy, my husband happy and my son happy
• Drink a little more coffee and a little more choffy
• Wear more heels and dress up more

I don't think those are too hard. A few of these might be a tad challenging for me. Why? Because I don't know how to say "no". I'm a "yes" girl and I know that's not always a good thing. I tend to spend time stressing over what everyone thinks of me and if they like me and if they are happy instead of doing what makes me happy or what makes me feel good. Constant worrying does not do a body good.

So, if you ask me to do something, and I say "no", please don't take it personally. It just means that maybe, spending time watching TV with my husband and son is a little more important.

To the moon and back...

Potty training, schmotty training

Now, I'm the girl who cries at every pivotal (and if we are being totally honest, not so pivotal) moment in Moose's life. He's growing up way to fast for me and every milestone means we are one day closer to adolescence, where I will know nothing and he will know everything and not need me anymore. This current milestone, though, is one that I am ready to be done with... Potty Training.

Boo... That's all I have to say. Boo to potty training.

Moose will be 3 in September and we have been potty training for a few months now. Initially we did the naked method. I have to say, it worked really well to get him recognizing the act of potty-ing.

Most days he does great (nights are a different story, even with cutting off drinks at 7 and putting a diaper on him, there are mornings where it's like he got up and went swimming in his p-jammers and then climbed back into bed). I'll hear, "Mommy, I think I have to go potty."

But, then there are those days (which seem to be the days where I am already at my wits end) that he just doesn't think he needs to use the big boy potty. "Mommy, do I have a diaper on?" "No dear, you never have a diaper on during the day anymore. Did you potty?" "Yeah..." (insert frowny face here). "I poopied mommy." (insert major frowny face here).

Then there's me asking "Moose, do you have to potty?" "Mmm, nope!" again, "Moose, let's try to go potty" "But I don't have to go." Then two minutes later, "Mommy, my feet are cold." Really? Could that be because you are standing in a puddle of pee?

Naps are the same. Some days he will take his normal 3 to 4 hour nap (he's an anomaly, I know) and wake up bone dry, but other days, he's soaked after an hour.

Then, two weeks will go by with no accidents (cue the "Hallelujah" music) and just when I think, "By Jove, I think he's got it!" we have another day filled with accidents.

Don't get me wrong, he's only 2 (I tend to forget that because he is a very big kid as well as very mature and well behaved for his age, no one believes us when we say he's not even 3) and I know that accidents happen, but there are days that I would so much rather clean up a dirty diaper than a dirty pair of underwear. Especially when we are out and about.

The part that gets me is the in-between. He's not fully potty trained, but definitely not in a diaper anymore.

This too shall pass...

to the moon and back...

Don't forget to check out Florida Coupon Savers.

I'm in awe...

 

I have to say, I am completely in awe. I wrote last week about a loss my very dear friend had suffered (read it here). When Sarah found out about the babies diagnosis, her plans for the birth changed drastically, from a home birth to a hospital birth, 4 hours from home. Long story short, she didn't have health insurance and now was going to be strapped with tons of medical bills as well as travel expenses.

That was when another dear friend and I decided we needed to do something. Our idea when from a holding a long distance "baby shower" to raise a little bit of money to help with gas and such, to the possibility of hosting a 5K (way out of our scope of planning) to finally a dance-a-thon. Rebecca had been to several Zumba-thons and Sh'Bam classes and thought it would be a great way to raise money. The idea quickly grew legs and the next thing you know we had a website, facebook page, bank account, paypal account and we were ready to promote.

We started this to help lighten their load. We had no idea what to expect, what we got was amazing. Donations starting coming in through the website, people were sharing the facebook page, sponsors started coming in and donations for giveaways and auction items were overwhelming. We held the event yesterday (the 16th of June), and it went so well. Everyone who came out had a great time and we are so appreciative of the ones who came early to help set up and stayed late to help clean up.

The amount of love and prayers that has been poured out for this amazing family has blown my mind. The majority of donations that have come in have been from people who never even met this family. Praise God, we were able to raise a little over $4,000 to help with medical and funeral costs. There is no way that we (Rebecca, the Jackson Family and I) could ever thank you all enough.

From the bottom of our hearts, thank you to everyone who prayed, donated, volunteered, danced, sponsored and everything in-between.

To the moon and back...

I wandered

I kinda feel like this is my testimony. I've had times in my walk when I've fallen away, felt empty, betrayed, but I have realized that with out Jesus, there's really no comfort, no forgiveness and no healing.

A few years ago, I lost my cousin to cancer. She was a year older than me and at the time left behind a 6 year old daughter. Nothing made sense. I was angry at God. I realize now that everything happens for a reason. Good, bad or indifferent, it's not for us to know why. If we didn't have the lows, how would we recognize the highs?

i wandered the street
empty and broken
a shell of love song
better left unspoken
angry and bitter
a soul full of blame
no light to the world
just a snuffed out flame
seeking some guidance
some comfort, some peace
but the resentment's still clutching
no sign of release
when a stranger reached out
offering a hand
promising life
if i just take a stand
but what good is a life
if it's just full of pain
He said to be washed
with His blood comes gain
forgiveness and mercy
flow from His scars
release from this temporary
life behind bars
bars of pain
of sickness and death
i turned to His face
to be filled with His breath
i reached at His robe
for just a touch of healing
begging for love
engulfed with a feeling
i wandered the street
empty and broken
found peace in my savior
and the love He has spoken