Basking in my food coma

Here I sit, bloated, uncomfortable and semi-motionless due to crashing from my carb laden sugar-high, but with no regrets. 

Did I eat too much? Absolutely.

Did I consume enough calories to feed a small nation? Quite possibly

Would I do it again? Most definitely!

Food and coma aside, I love Thanksgiving. I'm a nostalgic person (in case you haven't noticed here and here and here) so having a day steeped in tradition is a-ok in my book.

The smells, the sounds, the sites. 

Watching my mom prepare a meal that I used to watch my granny prepare makes me happy. Being able to help out, is something that I was looking forward to all week. It seems silly to spend days and hours preparing a meal that will be eaten in about 20 minutes (and munched on off and on for the next few days) but that time preparing is quality time spent with family. 

I remember being at my granny's house watching her work feverishly at getting everything done in time. My papa sitting on the couch pretending he doesn't want to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. I remember all of my aunts, uncles and cousins accumulating at Granny's and chowing down. I remember the laughter, the love, the sarcasm, the feuds, the good and the bad. The point is we were together every year. I miss that. I love what we had today, but I miss the days of everyone coming together.

As such, today I am thankful for memories. New memories, old memories, memories yet to be made. 

I hope you all had a great day and made lots of new memories and are in the process of enjoying your very own food coma as you read this!

to the moon and back,

Why is it so difficult?

Here is a picture of happy coffee because I my brain isn't functioning
at 100% and I can't come up with a creative one to suite the topic.

Here's my question, why is it so difficult for me to spend money on myself? I'll buy stuff for Moose, for Jon, for my family for my friends, but when it comes to me, I feel terribly guilty.

Especially if its a big a purchase. So, why?

Why can't I treat myself?

What if I spend a lot of money on something and then don't use it? What if it's not what I really want, but then can't return it? What if it doesn't last? What if it doesn't work? I could use that money on something more important. It would be selfish if I purchased (insert product here).

How could I spend good money on a yoga membership, or a pedicure, or a new (used) car, or a new computer, or a facial, or new clothes, or a haircut/color when we need a new roof and we need to remodel our master bath, and we need to redo our utility room, and we need to repair my car and Moose would love more toys and Jon would appreciate more bike stuff and I could put that money towards bills and I shouldn't be irresponsible, blah, blah, blah and this and that and so on and so forth....

I wish that just one time I could do or get something without feeling a ridiculous amount of self-inflicted guilt. Would it kill me to be slightly irresponsible? Probably not, but then again, what if something comes up and we could have used that money for something else?

Ugh.... I'm done venting now... Thanks to you, my loyal readers for listening while I have a "poor me" moment. :)

to the moon and back,

Shameless

Shameless confession: (Yes, shame-less, as in "one without shame".) I didn't go to college. Well, that's not entirely true. I went to college, for a year and a semester, but no college degree, so I amend my original statement to reflect "I don't have a college degree."

Shocker? I know right? You'd think with my mad writing skills that I was trained in the art of literary... uh... stuff. So, uh, yea, I can't even come up with the correct adjective to accurately describe the art in which I put my thoughts to paper computer screen. Art is subjective, right?

Anyway, one nice thing about me not "really" going to college is that I have never experienced the burden that is known as a student loan! That's right, folks, I am now and always have been student loan free! Which means that I was not scrambling to find a job before the repayment process started.

Instead, I explained to my parents that I was going to take some time off from college (because I really didn't know what I wanted to study anyway) to visit my then fiancé (now hubby) in Germany for just short of 2 weeks as a graduation gift from his parents. Imagine their delight....

That "time off" turned into a job, which turned into a career (a pretty nice one at that). I quickly moved from receptionist to "Membership Director" to "Director of Membership & Special Events". The latter title did not suit my actual position witch also included AR/AP, committee liaison, customer service, etc... This later ended in a bitter parting of ways (which I elude to here).

I've been many things since opting to not finish college, some of them have served me well and padded my bank account, others have made happy and some not so much.

So, here I am, an adult, with a husband, a son, responsibilities and such and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I've never regretted not finishing college. Which also means I never got a degree that I later regretted. I know I've talked to people who have gotten a degree in something and after a few years, hated their field of study. I feel like that would have been the case for me, mainly because I have a short attention span.

If I had followed some of my "dreams" here's the short list of careers I would have embarked on...

• Horticulturist
• Something in the field of Criminology
• Nutritionist
• Photographer
• Et cetera, Et cetera, Et cetera

So, I'm making a good living cleaning houses and doing sales and marketing for Dapper Snappers and I'm being paid in all of the love and hugs I could ever want (and if you know me, you know it doesn't take much) being a mommy and a wife, that's more than enough for me.

I admire anyone who had the dedication and motivation to get a degree (especially those who went on to get their Bachelor's, Master's or Doctorate's), but I honestly don't regret not getting one for myself. Nor do I feel like it adds or takes away from my worth. 

to the moon and back,

I am made

i am made for smiles

made for laughs 

made for giggles

i am made for hugs

made for snuggles

made for wiggles

i am made for dirt

made for rocks

made for balls

i am made for scrapes

made for bruises

made for falls

i am made for running

made for jumping

made for biking

i am made for digging

made for building

made for hiking

i am made for soaring

made for flying

made for reaching

i am made for loving

made for caring

made for teaching

I am made for helping

made for doing

made for giving

I am made for serving

made for aiding

made for living

to the moon and back,

Consider it Joy

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

Not just joy, but pure joy. Why? Because trials make you stronger. 

It's hard to look at it that way when you are in the midst of what seems like a life-changing trial. We don't find the joy, we worry, stress, rehash, dwell, complain, etc, etc...

At least, I do, or used to. I'm trying to be better. 

What good does all that worry and stress do? It doesn't, it just robs us of our joy. It robs us of our happiness and then there we are wasting a minute, an hour, a day, a week of our time. Time that we aren't guaranteed, anyway. Tomorrow isn't promised, so do you want your possible last day to be filled with worry and doubt?

Worrying isn't going to change anything, it won't fix anything. I'm guessing more often than not, it makes things worse and in the end, doesn't matter anyway.

So, here's me, vowing to worry less, and live more. How about you?

to the moon and back,

Perspective

I'm not a hugger. I'm not touchy-feely. Physical contact takes work for me, it doesn't come naturally. I even feel like I have a limit to how much physical touch I can take.

Well, last night at dinner, Moose was making it his personal goal to see if he could help me reach that limit. He could not stop touching, hugging, kissing me. He would rub my arm, climb in my lap, put an arm on my shoulder, place his head on my lap, and hold my hand. I love that he is so affectionate. I wish I was that way, but last night for some reason, I was about at my limit. I wasn't mad or upset, but I was feeling a little stifled. We were laughing and making a joke about it and he thought it was hilarious.

Then today it hit me, I need to cherish those moments because I am blessed enough to have them.

I would have been due with baby #2 this month if I hadn't miscarried back in March. That's a baby that I'll never touch, hug or kiss. I will never be able to rub his or her arm, hold them on my lap or hold their little hand. I will never be able to "reach my limit" on physical touch with that baby. You don't comprehend how attached you can get to someone that you never met. It's the loss of what could have been.

It's hard to think about that but it hits me every now and then and realize how luck I am to have a happy, healthy, beautiful boy. Not everyone gets that opportunity. My heart breaks for friends of ours who haven't been able to have kids and who are struggling through the ridiculous Florida DCF trying to adpot.

I realize that even if we don't have another child (yes, we are going to try again, but it's ultimately up to God), we are beyond blessed with what we have. I will relish every squeeze, every eskimo kiss, every butterfly kiss, and every smack to my (in his words) "beautiful spankable bottom" (thank his dad for that).

October 15th is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. In October 1988, President Ronald Reagan Proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. “When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.”

Here are events to get involved with and here are ways to show your support.

I can't even...

I love a good movie. My dad did his best to instill that in me. We spent countless weekends indulging in Chinese food at the local buffet followed by an afternoon matinee. We watched animated movies, horror movies, dramas, comedies, you name it.

I've seen my fair share of bad movies, some so bad they are good, some just bad, bad. Now, you may say my taste in movies is questionable because I do enjoy a good rom-com aka chick-flick. However, I am willing to admit most of those are terrible and lead to unrealistic relationship standards as they never show what happens after the guy finally wins the heart of the girl when he drives her crazy with his clothes on the floor or trash placed not in, but next to the trash can.

Having said all of that, I am going to talk about an upcoming piece of cinematic ridiculousness that will probably cause my husband to shake his head at me. He loves a good "shoot 'em up - bang" movie as he calls them (think "Expendables" & "Transporter". No plot, no story, just guns, fights and explosions. I think he will agree with me, though, that this movie just looks terrible and I can't even imagine watching it.

Don't get me wrong, I know that it is made to be "bad" and over the top, but I think it's gone beyond that. I'm just shaking my head as I watch the commercials for it tonight while Jon watches the fight. It's gratuitous, for gratuitous's sake. I can only imagine the language and nudity in it. In fact, I was looking for just the movie poster to post as a pic for this blog and I couldn't even find a "clean" one. Seriously, the movie has a girl with a gun bra...

I guess I just don't get it, but maybe I'm a hypocrite because I love The Walking Dead which has it's own gratuitous amount of bloodshed. It doesn't, however, have the needless nudity or cussing just to cuss.

to the moon and back,