Sense of Entitlement

Something happened the other night, wait... strike that. It didn't just happen, it slapped me across the face and made me realize I take waaaaaaay too much for granted.

And it started with a futon.

Jon and I rearranged our back room/dinning and decided that a futon would be a great way to not only make it roomier, but also add extra sleeping area. So, I did what anyone would do and turned to the swipswap pages on facebook.

Not too long after posting that I was searching for one, someone posted that they had one. She sent pics and I set up a time to go look at it. I asked what she wanted for it and she said to make her an offer.

Let me explain something... I hate making offers on anything. 1. Because I feel like I'm gonna get screwed and offer more than it's worth. 2. I feel like I'm going to insult the person selling the item. (PS don't even ask me to negotiate. "Oh, you want $20? Let me give you $25, I don't want to put you out.")

So, I wrote her back and said, "How about $40 is that ok? I really don't know what to offer."

She immediately wrote back, "I'll take that!"

I should have known then that something was up.

The following night, Jon, Moose and I loaded up in the truck, put the address in the GPS and headed for Deland. Here's the thing with GPS's, they don't tell you what kind of neighborhood it is. We may have chosen not to go.

The more we drove and the closer we got we realized that this may be a bad neighborhood. Then, we had to turn at a little run down convenience store. Across the street was a group of about 10 men who looked questionable to say the least (now, I'm sure I was jumping to conclusions and they were holding a road side bible study, but I digress...). We could literally feel them staring us down as we drove by.

We came to the neighborhood to turn into. It was a trailer park (not a mobile home or modular home development). The trailers all looked as thought they had seen better days. There were children playing in the streets and dogs roaming around.

I'm ashamed to admit that I looked at Jon and said "Is it too late to turn around?"

Then I saw her. The trailer she stepped out of was one of the smallest and seemed to be one of the oldest. She was all of about 18 years old and was preceded by her pregnant belly. Her boyfriend (and the father of her child who looked equally as young) was with her as was her dad.

Jon looked at it first and came back to ask what I thought. I said I'd look at it, but we would buy it no matter what.

When I got out to look at it, she said "I'll take $35 or $30, really whatever you guys want."

Jon handed her the $40 and we loaded it up and left.

As we drove away, I looked at Jon and said, "We don't even know how blessed we are. We take so much for granted."

We aren't entitled to anything that we have. In fact, we don't deserve any of it, especially if we aren't using it to serve others.

The pastor at a church we are attending said, "The money in my wallet is a tool to change the world, not buy more comfort." How are you changing the world? It doesn't take much. 

I'm not saying that you should be giving away everything you have, but are you using every penny you earn to buy your own happiness? The name brand purse, the fancy shoes, the expensive car, the over priced coffee (my word, did I just say that?)... Are you constantly searching for that one thing that's going to fill you up? You aren't going to find it until you find out how to serve others and give with a joyful heart. 

to the moon and back,

Perspective

I'm not a hugger. I'm not touchy-feely. Physical contact takes work for me, it doesn't come naturally. I even feel like I have a limit to how much physical touch I can take.

Well, last night at dinner, Moose was making it his personal goal to see if he could help me reach that limit. He could not stop touching, hugging, kissing me. He would rub my arm, climb in my lap, put an arm on my shoulder, place his head on my lap, and hold my hand. I love that he is so affectionate. I wish I was that way, but last night for some reason, I was about at my limit. I wasn't mad or upset, but I was feeling a little stifled. We were laughing and making a joke about it and he thought it was hilarious.

Then today it hit me, I need to cherish those moments because I am blessed enough to have them.

I would have been due with baby #2 this month if I hadn't miscarried back in March. That's a baby that I'll never touch, hug or kiss. I will never be able to rub his or her arm, hold them on my lap or hold their little hand. I will never be able to "reach my limit" on physical touch with that baby. You don't comprehend how attached you can get to someone that you never met. It's the loss of what could have been.

It's hard to think about that but it hits me every now and then and realize how luck I am to have a happy, healthy, beautiful boy. Not everyone gets that opportunity. My heart breaks for friends of ours who haven't been able to have kids and who are struggling through the ridiculous Florida DCF trying to adpot.

I realize that even if we don't have another child (yes, we are going to try again, but it's ultimately up to God), we are beyond blessed with what we have. I will relish every squeeze, every eskimo kiss, every butterfly kiss, and every smack to my (in his words) "beautiful spankable bottom" (thank his dad for that).

October 15th is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. In October 1988, President Ronald Reagan Proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. “When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.”

Here are events to get involved with and here are ways to show your support.

I may not have it all...

...but I do believe that I am truly blessed.

I'm not rich by the worlds standards, but as cliche as it sounds, I am rich in every other aspect. Whether you believe me or not, I have the best friends and family a girl could ask for. I bragged on my hubby a little in my last blog, this time, I'll brag on the rest of my world...

Sis, Mama, Me

I have a mom that has the most caring, concerned heart. She is always looking out for my sister and I as well as our families, no matter how old we get. She knows our needs before we even have a chance to tell her. She is so giving of herself and her time. If God had given me the opportunity to hand pick a mom, I couldn't have chosen better. She loves her family, all of them, with everything she is and she has always treated her son-in-laws as if they were her own. Plus, she watches Moose (my son, in case you were wondering) practically everyday while I work.

Me, Dad

My dad is the silent type. He stays in the background so that everyone else can shine. He loves my mom, sister and I beyond belief and to see him with our kids, his grandchildren, is nothing short of beautiful. He doesn't show emotion too much, but if there is a chance that there is something wrong with one of us, you can just see the worry in him, genuine worry. He's always found a way to get us what we needed or wanted. He's loved me, even when there were times when I didn't deserve to be loved. He's the reason I love movies and all things food and he is a lover of all things chocolate.

My sista!!

My sister is 8 years older than me. She's my big sis, but more importantly, I'm her little sister, which means she has dealt with me at my most annoying times and she still loves me. I was the one who mom made her take with her on her dates or when she went out because little sisters like to tattle. What mom didn't know at the time was that little sisters also like to blackmail... I have always looked up to my sister. She is an amazing mother and friend. She has been there for me in some of my darkest moments and some of my greatest. She has always supported and stood by me and defended me. She also saw fit to torment me often as a child as every good big sis should.

Aren't we fancy? We were on a cruise. In the middle is Jan, Ron, Sherry & Matt

I married into a great God-fearing family. Jon's folks are very active in the church and in our lives. I wasn't really a "church" person until I started dating Jon.. His family was very involved with my Christian walk. They are wonderful with Moose and pitch in where they can. He loves spending time with them. Jon's brother and sister-law lead our church and are a huge resource for us. We turn to them when we need biblical advice. I am grateful that we can rely on them!

I do not have a pick that shows all of my wonderful friends, and if I did, it wouldn't fit here. :)

God has placed the most amazing people in my life. There has never been in a time in my life where I have been surrounded by so many supportive friends. I have always had one or two really great friends that I could count on, but right now, my world is over flowing with friends on all levels. Ones that I have known forever, ones I have known for years and ones who have just entered my life. I have friends, who when they heard I was out of work for a little while, showed up at my door with a Publix gift card and who have literally written checks from their own bank accounts to help us (and no I didn't ask them to!). I have friends, who when I came home from the hospital after having Moose, made sure I had hot, fresh cooked dinners for two weeks. I have friends, who when they heard that I had miscarried, shared their pain and heartache with me so that I didn't feel so alone.

So, while I may not have a TV in every room (*gasp* is that even legal?), huge house, fancy car, fine china, special silverware, infinity pool, hot tub, summer home, a basement full of wine (or a basement for that matter) I have more than I ever dreamed of having. Granted I would LOVE to not live paycheck to paycheck at times, I wouldn't trade what we have now for any amount of money (don't believe me? I'm willing to be tested... $10 million maybe tempting...ahhh.... Just kidding!)

Thanks for reading, I promise the next one will not be quite so long and will involve much more wit and sarcasm. I just wanted to make sure that those around me have an idea of how I feel about them.

to the moon and back,