Why do we do it?

Why do we do it?

Why do we try to have babies? There are so many risks, so much possible pain, so much possible devastation.

But we still try...

Some of us succeed on the first try (or with out even trying), others spend years and thousands of dollars trying, others never succeed and either choose to adopt or make peace with not having children.

But we still try...

We try even though it may end in miscarriage, we try even though it may end in still birth, we try even if it means that our child will need to be cared for by us forever, we try even if it may take our own lives.

But we still try...

We try even if the finances aren't right, we try even if the house isn't big enough, we try even if we don't have help from our families, we try even if it means losing friendships.

But we still try...

It can be sad, it can be scary, it can be uncomfortable, it can totally change our bodies (hair, skin, shape, etc), it can throw our hormones completely our of whack, it can make us sick for 9 months straight.

But we still try...

Why?

Because it's worth it.

It's worth it for a chance at holding a miracle. It's worth it for a chance at feeling their movements before anyone else knows what's going on. It's worth it for a chance to hear their first tiny little cries. It's worth it for a chance to count their little fingers and toes. It's worth it for a chance to watch them hit every milestone and to see the world brand new through their eyes. It's worth it for a chance to feel unconditional love and to be loved unconditionally. It's worth it for a chance to fulfill one of God's purposes for us as women. It's worth it for a chance to hear them say "I love you" for the first time. It's worth it for a chance to feel the best hugs ever.

Why do we do it, when there seems like there are so many reasons not to? We do it for a chance at something amazing.

to the moon and back,

Through the eyes of a 3 year old

"It was a great Easter day." That's what Moose said before he went to bed tonight.

Actually, what he said was, "Tell daddy that I had a very good Easter day playing with my cousins and my friends and my family. Tell him I love them all very much and that I love him very much. It was a great day!"

And it was a great day a darn near perfect day in the eyes of a 3 year old. He woke up, and came in and laid down with mommy. We got up and he played while I got ready for work. Then Grandma showed up and that meant play time!

They played board games, rode bikes, played on the swing set, had lunch then it was nap time.

While he napped, grandma and I got ready for the guests. There were cupcakes to bake, cool and ice. There were veggies to chop. There were little plastic eggs to fill.

Moose woke up and soon after the guests started arriving. The adults ate, while the kids played. They ran, climbed, went swinging, played tag and slid down the slide. They asked for cupcakes before dinner and some prevailed, it is a celebration after all so dessert comes first, right?

It was time for the men folk to wrangle the little ones to the front yard so the eggs could be hidden, or just thrown about the back yard. There really isn't much to the hiding when there are 1,000 eggs to hide (that may be an exaggeration, but you get the idea).

Then it was time to unleash the hounds! They were off, scooping up eggs as they ran. Eggs were everywhere and their baskets were overflowing. As they ran around they left a trail of spilled eggs, which only brought joy as they realized there were more eggs to find!

With all of the eggs gathered up, it was time for them to examine the spoils of their hard work. Moose opened an egg and out popped a small plastic slinky... "Oh, just what I always wanted! A slinky!" he exclaimed with sincerity. "Easter is so much fun with my friends mom!"

A (I'll switch his friends names with letters) opened an egg and found a bubble ring. His mom opened it up and showed him that it was bubbles and his whole face lit up!

E slowly and carefully hand picked his eggs. He opened his eggs, but wasn't overly impressed. He was more interested in checking out what everyone else was doing. He wanted to keep playing.

L got a small yellow squishy ball from one of his eggs and held it up and said "My yellow!". He was so proud of his airplane erasers and the rest of his haul.

J immediately broke open the fruit snacks and the candy that was allergy safe for him. He tore through every egg, carefully examining each one for treats that he could devour!

Once eggs were done and the yard looked like there had been a plastic egg massacre, it was time to play again. Soon, though, everyone packed up and the night had to come to an end.

A very tired little boy got ready for bed. When we got to his room, I picked him up (my almost 4 foot, 3 year old) and rocked him like I do every night and we sang "You are my Sunshine". I laid him down and we prayed and thanked God for Jesus and the sacrifice He made for us.

So, you see, that was pretty much a perfect day for a 3 year old and quite frankly, it was darn near perfect for this mama, too. My heart is full tonight.

to the moon and back,

Glorious, fully caffeinated coffee deliciousness...

I fear it has been far too long since I have blogged about one of the very things I base my blog around... Caffeine! I have to admit, caffeine and I parted ways for a little while there. It was very sad and the coffee growers association called me and asked what they could do to get me back. Yes, there is such a thing as a coffee growers association, but no they did not actually call me that would be absurd, they emailed me... (See what I did there? You thought I was going to be honest but I furthered the fib with even more exaggeration.)

Anyway, it was a very ugly break up. There were tears (mainly from my hubby dealing with a newly decaf me), headaches, depression, and then moving on to a way less attractive source of energy vitamins and veggies and fruit, ack... Vitamins make me puke (literally, most of them do for some reason, sorry TMI) and I have to choke down fruit (I'm weird, deal with it), now I love my veggies, but they don't compare to my caffeine vehicle of choice, coffee (mocha's, latte's & straight up coffee). Oh, the creamy goodness...

But, for a very noble reason, I gave up caffeine prior to getting pregnant (I avoid caffeine while pregnant, if you don't, that's fine, I don't judge). Since finding out that there was no baby, I have been indulging in things that comfort me (probably more than I should) and caffeine comforts me. I know it's probably not the best for me, but I'm ok with that.

I will soon take another hiatus from caffeine when we start trying again, but for now, I am enjoying every minute of every rocket-powered sip of my full caf, skinny salted caramel mocha from Starbucks...

On a side note, my mom and I were having a conversation earlier about my blog and she asked "How do you come up with things to write about?" In the very best sarcastic tone I could come up with, I replied "I am very entertaining, mama, I have tons of stuff I can ramble on about." As you can see by this post, the "very entertaining" part may have been another exaggeration. I am pretty good at exaggerating, maybe I should add that to my resume...

On another side note, during the same conversation, my dad asked "Who reads this thing?" Apparently, he does not see the social impact my blog has on the world. I replied, "I don't know, friends, people randomly searching the web, pretty much every one. My fan base is huge." See what I mean about exaggerating? I'm actually pretty stoked when I check the analytics and and it shows more than 10 visitors!

I leave you with this uber impressive collage of coffee art...

to the moon and back,

Parenting Woes...

I'm a bad parent. "No, Jen, not you..." Yes me... Why you ask, oh because I choose to limit my child's sugar intake, because I choose to discipline him when he misbehaves, because I want him to eat more fruits and veggies than processed foods/fast foods, because I give him Motrin when he has a fever, because I had him circumcised, because I had him vaccinated, and so on and so on.... {insert sarcasm font}

Motherhood is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced, however, one thing that I have noticed is how catty and passive aggressive other moms can get. I belong to an online parenting board that is comprised of other women who became moms the same time I did. When I joined it, I thought "Great! I can share stories and get tips and such!" Umm, not so much. At first they were all like "Oh, yay, we're pregnant!" then it soon became "What? You're not going to co-sleep? Your child is going to feel unloved and insecure." "What? You aren't going to chew up your baby's food first and feed it like a little bird? Your child is going to choke!" Seriously?? I don't care how you raise your child (as long as you aren't beating him/her), why would you judge me and my choices? "Oh my gosh, you're going back to work? Your son's going to have abandonment issues." Um, no he's going to have food on the table, clothes on his back and a roof over his head.

Why is it that everyone else knows the best way to raise your kid? The one thing that I have learned since having a child is that every decision (no matter how big or small) that I make for Moose is wrong in someones mind. There are such varying opinions on every subject and everyone feels so strongly about their own, why can't we just let parents choose for themselves?

My hubby and chose the, get this, "cry it out method". "Oh, no she didn't *snap*! Don't she know that's abuse?" (yes, I realize the grammar choices I made in that quote, and just so you know, I wrote it in the best ghetto accent I have as well). Ummm, no it wasn't abuse, at least not in our case. Moose only had to do it once or twice and he has never had a problem since. Anyone who knows Moose, knows that he is a very well adjusted 3 & 1/2 year old. We also gave him a pacie and he wasn't exclusively breastfed. Oh no, call DCFS before something terrible happens!

My point it, opinions are great, but not when the only reason they are voiced is to make someone else feel like less of a person. I may not agree with all of your parenting choices, but guess what? It doesn't matter, because YOU are the parent and you have the right to those choices.

So, in conclusion, circumcise or don't, co-sleep or don't, wear your baby or don't, breastfeed or don't, vaccinate or don't, spank or don't, feed your baby like a bird or don't, I won't judge you so please don't judge me.

At least you aren't this guy... I mean really, look at that mullet, that little boy has no chance... ;)

Disclaimer: I don't know who these people are, I found the pic on google.

to the moon and back,

A tad too comfortable...

In case you haven't followed my blog from the beginning (like there are any of you out there, I mean I'm sure you have all gone back and read every single post...) I have written about me being an emotional eater.That means that if something goes well, I eat, something bad, I eat, something so-so, I eat... Terrible cycle, I know.

I have, in fact, been known to break the cycle and go for quite a while without emo-eating (that's what I'll call it, because, well... I can and because I'm much too lazy to type out emotional, every.single.time.).

Lately, however, my life has had some pretty crappy things going on, and I have grown waaaay too comfortable with comfort food.

Now, I'm not saying that I am proud of this, but I will say, that this is one time I'm ok with it. I feel like most of the time I am fighting a constant battle to eat healthy, work out, be a role model, detox, blah, blah, blah...

Give a girl a break! I'll get back to it on Monday, no seriously, this coming Monday, not that "Monday" that never seems to get here. I do miss working out, but Mr. Mac & Cheese and Captain Chips & Salsa have been good company. BTW (yea, I'm hip like that), staring at that picture is seriously making me hungry.

Quite frankly, I think breaks are good. They make you appreciate the hard work and dedication it takes to eat healthy and work out. Plus, when you get rid of the crap and get healthy again (once you get past those nasty sugar withdrawals, anyway), you feel great, or at least I do.

So here's to an end to two weeks of eating very, very, (dare I throw a third one in there?) very badly. Or an end as of Sunday. My goal is to start fresh on Monday, hey a girls gotta have goals, right?

So, there, that's a bit more sarcasm than I have thrown around lately. I hope it satisfies all of your needs for bit of light-heartedness.

to the moon and back,

I may not have it all...

...but I do believe that I am truly blessed.

I'm not rich by the worlds standards, but as cliche as it sounds, I am rich in every other aspect. Whether you believe me or not, I have the best friends and family a girl could ask for. I bragged on my hubby a little in my last blog, this time, I'll brag on the rest of my world...

Sis, Mama, Me

I have a mom that has the most caring, concerned heart. She is always looking out for my sister and I as well as our families, no matter how old we get. She knows our needs before we even have a chance to tell her. She is so giving of herself and her time. If God had given me the opportunity to hand pick a mom, I couldn't have chosen better. She loves her family, all of them, with everything she is and she has always treated her son-in-laws as if they were her own. Plus, she watches Moose (my son, in case you were wondering) practically everyday while I work.

Me, Dad

My dad is the silent type. He stays in the background so that everyone else can shine. He loves my mom, sister and I beyond belief and to see him with our kids, his grandchildren, is nothing short of beautiful. He doesn't show emotion too much, but if there is a chance that there is something wrong with one of us, you can just see the worry in him, genuine worry. He's always found a way to get us what we needed or wanted. He's loved me, even when there were times when I didn't deserve to be loved. He's the reason I love movies and all things food and he is a lover of all things chocolate.

My sista!!

My sister is 8 years older than me. She's my big sis, but more importantly, I'm her little sister, which means she has dealt with me at my most annoying times and she still loves me. I was the one who mom made her take with her on her dates or when she went out because little sisters like to tattle. What mom didn't know at the time was that little sisters also like to blackmail... I have always looked up to my sister. She is an amazing mother and friend. She has been there for me in some of my darkest moments and some of my greatest. She has always supported and stood by me and defended me. She also saw fit to torment me often as a child as every good big sis should.

Aren't we fancy? We were on a cruise. In the middle is Jan, Ron, Sherry & Matt

I married into a great God-fearing family. Jon's folks are very active in the church and in our lives. I wasn't really a "church" person until I started dating Jon.. His family was very involved with my Christian walk. They are wonderful with Moose and pitch in where they can. He loves spending time with them. Jon's brother and sister-law lead our church and are a huge resource for us. We turn to them when we need biblical advice. I am grateful that we can rely on them!

I do not have a pick that shows all of my wonderful friends, and if I did, it wouldn't fit here. :)

God has placed the most amazing people in my life. There has never been in a time in my life where I have been surrounded by so many supportive friends. I have always had one or two really great friends that I could count on, but right now, my world is over flowing with friends on all levels. Ones that I have known forever, ones I have known for years and ones who have just entered my life. I have friends, who when they heard I was out of work for a little while, showed up at my door with a Publix gift card and who have literally written checks from their own bank accounts to help us (and no I didn't ask them to!). I have friends, who when I came home from the hospital after having Moose, made sure I had hot, fresh cooked dinners for two weeks. I have friends, who when they heard that I had miscarried, shared their pain and heartache with me so that I didn't feel so alone.

So, while I may not have a TV in every room (*gasp* is that even legal?), huge house, fancy car, fine china, special silverware, infinity pool, hot tub, summer home, a basement full of wine (or a basement for that matter) I have more than I ever dreamed of having. Granted I would LOVE to not live paycheck to paycheck at times, I wouldn't trade what we have now for any amount of money (don't believe me? I'm willing to be tested... $10 million maybe tempting...ahhh.... Just kidding!)

Thanks for reading, I promise the next one will not be quite so long and will involve much more wit and sarcasm. I just wanted to make sure that those around me have an idea of how I feel about them.

to the moon and back,

Pardon me while I brag...

I have an amazing husband and no, I promise he didn't hack my blog.

As you know from my recent post, this has been a really rough time for my family. Jon has been my rock. He has been so amazing while I have been recovering.

Last Thursday after my procedure, he waited on me hand and foot all day. He made sure that I had plenty to drink and eat. He took care of our son and kept him busy so mommy could rest. When I would get up, he would ask what I was doing and tell me to sit back down.

When I told him that I thought we needed to go away for the weekend to focus on family time, he said "Absolutely, I don't care what it costs." I'm too responsible to go crazy, so I looked into some inexpensive hotels.

On Friday, I booked a room for that night in St. Augustine. A few hours later, I found out that I wouldn't be working this coming week (after not working at all last week), so that would be two weeks without a paycheck. I immediately start freaking out. It's less than 24 hours so we can't can't cancel. Jon grabs me, hugs me and says, "Don't worry, we are going. We need this, everything will be fine, we will figure it out next week."

After a VERY rocky start to our trip (car trouble, 2 visits from bright house, etc..) we finally made it to our hotel at about midnight.

The hotel was ok, yes, just ok. It had paper thin walls (and apparently bikers stay as far north as St. Augustine during bike week), and a door that just barely latched (thank heavens for the safety latch and a husband who carries).

Saturday was amazing. We laid around the hotel until about 10:30am then decided to get up and get brunch. We ate a super cute little place called Cafe 11. They had a buffet and Moose ate and ate. He had more than me, two servings of grits, a quesadilla triangle, scrambled eggs, toast, honeydew, cantaloupe and pineapple. (He ate like a horse all day)

Jon wouldn't let me walk around. He was so worried about me not healing and injuring myself more. So we decided the best way to get around was to do one of the train tours. That way we could get around, but not have to walk. Moose was thrilled!

Jon was so great at making sure I rested enough and had everything I needed. I'm not used to being the one who needs to be taken care of, but it sure was nice having someone look out for me. I don't know what I did to make him love me so much, but I'm glad because I know I don't always deserve it.

I am so thankful for my hubby. He's such an amazing man and father. Thank you, baby!

to the moon and back,