The thing about beauty is...

The thing about beauty is, it's not what you think it is, it's not what you've been told, and you find it in the most unexpected places.

You find it in the strength of the woman battling breast cancer for the third time and still isn't giving up.

You find it in the faith of the mother who remains faithful in her God after the loss of a child and uses her testimony to witness.

You find it in the smile of the breast cancer survivor who has so much joy and fire in her eyes while teaching Zumba.

You find it in the women of all sizes who are laughing and confidently dancing while participating in that Zumba class.

You find it in heart of mom who is struggling with the diagnosis of her child's illness yet stills remains strong for the family.

You find it in the friend who always makes you laugh at the perfect time and gets all of your idiosyncrasies and loves you for them

You find it in the stay at home mom who is at her wits end almost daily, yet holds together the household and loves her children and sacrifices everything for them.

You find it in the mom who works 40+ hours a week but still manages to be at every game and every school event and has dinner on the table.

You find it in the single mother who works tirelessly, often by herself, to provide a life, love and home for her family.

You find it in the sweat dripping off of the back of a women trying yoga, or running, or zumba, or swimming or aerobics for the first time.

You find it in the courage of the women who was able to leave the bondage of an abusive relationship.

You find it in the woman unable to conceive but puts on a strong face for the world around her.

You find it in the stretchmarks and the scars and the wrinkles and the cellulite and muscle definition and the muffin tops and the frizzy hair and goofy laugh and clumsy nature and everything else that make us all beautiful messes.

to the moon and back,

Sense of Entitlement

Something happened the other night, wait... strike that. It didn't just happen, it slapped me across the face and made me realize I take waaaaaaay too much for granted.

And it started with a futon.

Jon and I rearranged our back room/dinning and decided that a futon would be a great way to not only make it roomier, but also add extra sleeping area. So, I did what anyone would do and turned to the swipswap pages on facebook.

Not too long after posting that I was searching for one, someone posted that they had one. She sent pics and I set up a time to go look at it. I asked what she wanted for it and she said to make her an offer.

Let me explain something... I hate making offers on anything. 1. Because I feel like I'm gonna get screwed and offer more than it's worth. 2. I feel like I'm going to insult the person selling the item. (PS don't even ask me to negotiate. "Oh, you want $20? Let me give you $25, I don't want to put you out.")

So, I wrote her back and said, "How about $40 is that ok? I really don't know what to offer."

She immediately wrote back, "I'll take that!"

I should have known then that something was up.

The following night, Jon, Moose and I loaded up in the truck, put the address in the GPS and headed for Deland. Here's the thing with GPS's, they don't tell you what kind of neighborhood it is. We may have chosen not to go.

The more we drove and the closer we got we realized that this may be a bad neighborhood. Then, we had to turn at a little run down convenience store. Across the street was a group of about 10 men who looked questionable to say the least (now, I'm sure I was jumping to conclusions and they were holding a road side bible study, but I digress...). We could literally feel them staring us down as we drove by.

We came to the neighborhood to turn into. It was a trailer park (not a mobile home or modular home development). The trailers all looked as thought they had seen better days. There were children playing in the streets and dogs roaming around.

I'm ashamed to admit that I looked at Jon and said "Is it too late to turn around?"

Then I saw her. The trailer she stepped out of was one of the smallest and seemed to be one of the oldest. She was all of about 18 years old and was preceded by her pregnant belly. Her boyfriend (and the father of her child who looked equally as young) was with her as was her dad.

Jon looked at it first and came back to ask what I thought. I said I'd look at it, but we would buy it no matter what.

When I got out to look at it, she said "I'll take $35 or $30, really whatever you guys want."

Jon handed her the $40 and we loaded it up and left.

As we drove away, I looked at Jon and said, "We don't even know how blessed we are. We take so much for granted."

We aren't entitled to anything that we have. In fact, we don't deserve any of it, especially if we aren't using it to serve others.

The pastor at a church we are attending said, "The money in my wallet is a tool to change the world, not buy more comfort." How are you changing the world? It doesn't take much. 

I'm not saying that you should be giving away everything you have, but are you using every penny you earn to buy your own happiness? The name brand purse, the fancy shoes, the expensive car, the over priced coffee (my word, did I just say that?)... Are you constantly searching for that one thing that's going to fill you up? You aren't going to find it until you find out how to serve others and give with a joyful heart. 

to the moon and back,

Not funny "haha" but funny strange

It's funny how life goes on and days go by and you don't cross my mind. I mean, you're there, always ready to leap to life in a story, but not in the forefront. It's easy to push it back because I didn't see you every day.

Then some days, you're a whisper. You're a song on the radio, a scent in the breeze, a daydream at a familiar place.

Then... then, there are days like today, when you should be there. When all of the family is there. You should be laughing, singing and making us dance. You should be telling your stories and looking impatient not letting anyone know you're having fun. You should be cooking and smiling and hugging your son. And it hits me like a ton of bricks, you're gone.

I can see you in photos, and recall fading memories of moments that have passed but nothing is sufficient. I want another day. A day at the springs, in the mountains, at your dinning room table waiting for dinner. A day to mend fences, a day to aggravate you, a day to laugh at your bad jokes.

Life isn't fair, and death certainly isn't either.

to the moon and back,

Skewed Reality

TV has given me a skewed sense of reality. Shocking, right? I know, TV is usually beaming with reality, what with Toddlers and Tiaras, Honey Boo Boo (a piece of me just died as I typed that), Jersey Shore, Teen Mom, etc... 

Here's a list of my (as my granny says) "stories" and how they have skewed my reality:

• The Walking Dead - I'm now worried that any minute a zombie apocalypse is going to break out and I am going to have to strategically find all of my friends and family and we are going to have to make our way to the local prison for safety and judging the way my garden is growing, I will not be the farmer of the group, so I need to brush up on my marksmanship or head stabbing...
• Revolution - Every time the power flickers, I think "Ok, this is it... It's go time." Then the power comes back on and I think, "Ah, just as well, I'm not sure I'm ready for survival mode. Have you seen my garden?"
• Weeds (terrible show, I know, guilty pleasure) - I now believe that every small "mom & pop" shop is a front for something illegal. "Oh, you've only had two customers all week and you can afford to keep the business open??" Likely story... Plus, apparently pretty much everyone smokes pot, regularly.
• Dexter - It's apparent to me that being a serial killer is much easier than I would have initially expected. I mean as long as you dump the body in the gulf stream and don't keep a token, you are golden.
• Nashville - It's now clear to me that all musicians are tortured souls who come from crazy backgrounds or have addiction problems. Wait... that one just may be reality...
• Lost - Flying has always creeped me out, but now I'm worried about my plane disappearing. I mean seriously, that doesn't happen, right??? Oh... wait... it does.

Ok, so maybe those last two aren't too skewed, but do you see how easily I get sucked in? I'm way too gullible. The next thing you know I'm going to be the mysterious lead singer of a rock group who, by day, is the owner and manager of Starlight Music and who's adopted this persona with the help of my holographic computer. Far fetched, huh?

to the moon and back,

Healing

I've cried
questioned
fought
listened
I've leaned on God
on the bible
on family
on friends
I've felt angry
betrayed
overwhelmed
and just lost
I've bit my tongue
lashed out
reached out
and been crossed
I've been disappointed
disgruntled
alarmed
ashamed
but I know God is with me...
I am with God
washed in the blood
surrounded by family
covered in love
I'm lost in the Word
seeking Him more
accepting hugs
rising above

to the moon and back,

Sticks & Stones

Choose your words wisely. We've all been taught that saying when we were little "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me", but after 30something years of living I have found over and over again that that isn't true.

I'd take a physical wound over an emotional one. Broken bones can heal, gashes heal, punctures heal, bruises heal and all you're let with is a scar... emotional hurt lasts.

Not only does it last, but it can ruin people. A rumor can end marriages, end careers, end friendships, end reputations.

Hurtful words can break a person down to a shell of their former self.

Words can also heal. They can heal hurt, heal marriages, heal hearts.

While they can fix miss-communications, once they have been said, there is no turning back. There's no "take backs". If you say it, make sure it's true because if it's hurtful enough, it will leave a scar that can never be forgotten.

Gossip can ruin someone, but it's so easy to fall into that pit. Dishing the dirt is interesting because it helps us feel better about ourselves. We feel superior because "at least we are that bad, or that messed up or that out of control."

I'm just as guilty as the next person, maybe even more so, that's my demon to battle.

If what you are saying can't be said in front of the person you are talking about, then it's probably gossip and probably hurtful.

Proverbs 12:18 NIV "The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

to the moon and back,